Sometimes you reach what's real just by making believe
Monday, January 26, 2009 • 6:00 AM • 0 comments

Why is that people are not consistent? Sometimes they are mean but sometimes they are good to you not because they need anything from you but they just like it. It makes me wonder how our minds work. Can we consider our hearts as one of the factors why we change our attitude towards the another person? I have a lot in mind now that keep me on convincing that people will be born good and will die good too.

Incident No. 1: Random Friend, AGAIN?!?!

>>>>>I have this friend of mine that is one of my mortal enemy when I was in my first year days. He really pissed me off. He is so irritating and very self centered. Until one day, I learned his story. I didn't know what happened, all I know is that his story hooked my heart. At that very moment, I felt that I was blessed with people that I can call "my family". But now, I'm so irritated with him. From the very start, I really hate comparison. My parents always compare me to anyone who popped on their mind. What the heck is that comparison method? It only degrade my self-esteem or should I say, it always flushes my something to nothing. Comparison makes me feel that I'm worthless. I try to hold my emotions when he utter the words that I don't wanna hear. I wanna cry cause someone indirectly told me that I'm worthless. But I still believe that its only an accident. He's trying to make fun of me but I am too sensitive to feel that it was a joke. :(

Incident No. 2: For good :)

>>>>> Even though I felt humiliated a while ago, I didn't suffer a lot. Thank you very much for the people who brought laughters in my life. I love this day with them. You know who you are ;) It seems like we didn't talk for years because we talk about a lot of things. Movies, Documentaries, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears =)) and a lot more that I don't wanna mention cause I'm all alone here :)) I hope time will pass with sense and humor. I wanna taste the days of their what so called "masayang high school life." Can you please describe the feeling for me? =))

Incident No. 3: Inside this box

>>>>> I was browsing a lot of music sites a while ago to refresh my mind. I found a lot of Broadway songs from wicked, spring awakening, children's letters to god and a lot more. I wanna learn every song that I browse cause they are so cool. I am so amazed that I can sing the songs too. So I felt a sudden relieved. Then I remember what Ate Luz told me when we were in second year. She told me that I have a good voice and I should showcase it. Then I suddenly realized, what if I didn't get afraid to try everything? What if I don't have any stage fright? What if I have enough self confidence? What if I try to break free and discover the real and all I have? Maybe, it would be easy for me to communicate and share a part of myself to others. Maybe it will not take me a long time to have an exciting life. In this box, I wanna tell the word that I can be someone in the future. Soon :)

Incident No. 4: I try not to love you but I guess, It will never come true

>>>>> Even though I run away from you, you will always occupy one of the biggest part of my heart. I cant run away from my family even though I really want to. My feet, my mouth, my mind keep on saying to sneak out and run away from home. But my heart is whispering my conscience to stay and calm down. I just want a family that can understand me and my principles in life. I just want my parents to be proud of whatever I have achieve in life. I don't want them to compare me to anyone cause I cant do nothing but stare at them blankly. I want an understanding sister. For me, my sister is self centered and greedy but sometimes she's not. My parents always care for her because she's younger than me (for one minute only. *blank*) and she is sickly. Whenever she's sick they will give her a medicine but whenever I am sick, they will get angry because "ang arte ko daw." For them, my projects are always O.A and not beautiful. I try to satisfy them but it didn't work out. A while ago, they keep on asking my sister if her day was good or not. I hope they are goin to ask me but not. Then I keep on browsing for our assignment in Physics but I need to cut it cause my sister indirectly told me that I need to get out in front of the PC. Okay, so I need to have a nocturnal moment again.

Incident No. 5: Wishing can sometimes cause heartbreaks.

>>>>> I don't wanna comment about the pictures I saw a while ago. I mean, I don't wanna react a lot cause I am not related to him except the "special connection" we had. What is this feeling? I suddenly felt that God don't love me or he's just playing a trick on me. God knows how much I love him. God knows how much he meant to me. But why is that God makes me suffer? Why did He let me see the pictures without any hesitation? I should be happy cause he is perfectly fine with his career and life. But as time goes by, all the reasons are sprouting for me to love him more. It is really a good thing that he is not committed to someone at all. Can I call myself selfish because I am not happy whenever I see him with someone else? Can I say to myself that I really love him when I cant stand to see the other girls yelling his name? Am I under this apathy so I cant even notice that he has a heart that I cant control? I laugh cause it's just so funny that I can't even see anyone when he's with me. =( Please dont do this to me, my mind is not currently working.

Gladys/22 years old/Philippines

Im beyond your peripheral vision and aiming for art school.Im a provinciana girl at heart. I do think too much and contradicts myself most of the time.The internet doesn't speak for itself. There's more than meets the eye.