Breaking My Silence by Kate Lontoc
Wednesday, May 11, 2011 • 7:14 AM • 0 comments

I’m a person who doesn’t say or sometimes, show how I really feel. I’ve kept my lips zipped all this time since the problem started. But now I want to break my silence.

*You said you needed time. We understood. But SHIT! It’s already been more the two months! Do you need all the time in the world to adjust? What you need to do is not to adjust but to accept. Accept the fact that you’re not perfect. Heck! No one’s perfect. You said that you were okay with the thought of talking things through. But why weren’t you the one who approached us first? Why were you the one who kept on ignoring us in the first place?

I had an open-forum too. Do you remember!? It was surprising at first. But I knew you guys did that because you cared. But why did you think that we did that because we didn’t “understand” you! WTF!? We always tried to understand you! We adjusted to you too! Friendship is also about adjusting you know. You said we don’t accept you?! Another WTF! What do you want us to accept everyone will hate you because we didn’t tell you your short comings? True friends tell the truth no matter how it hurts! But I guess you didn’t get that, did you!? Just move on already. Get over yourself, get rid of your pitiful pride and save what’s left of your dignity!!

*I always said sorry. The times when you had a fight with other people, you always had a way of finding a u-turn making me, someone who doesn’t even know that there was a conflict, seem like I started the fight. I was not the only one who saw that, many people did. I kept my lips closed, accepting every accusation from you. They, even my parents, said that I should tell you, but since I was afraid that if I talk back, you’ll get hurt and the problem will only explode. I just said sorry.

*After giving you space and time, I thought we were fine. They said I was naïve, sometimes even stupid for believing every word you put in my head. That time in the computer lab, you approached me. “Kate, mag-aral ka ah. Pag natanggal ka, malulungkot ako.” Then after the results came out, you ran towards me, hugged me and cried, you told me to believe you that you loved me as your friend. I believed even if they said don’t.

But BOY! WAS I DUMB!!! I should’ve believed them. You’ve already set your mind to the thought that you were changing sections if either I (or someone who I don’t want to mention here) don’t pass the SQE. It’s like you wish we don’t pass the exam. Like I was not smart enough to pass! WELL, YOU GOT YOUR WISH!! You shocked me. You said that you just said that because you were mad. But GOSH! I would never wish that on you, even if I was mad at you, which I’m not. You just disappointed me.

In a way, I feel like you lied to my face.

You lied to someone who cared for you. Someone who defended you, no matter what other people said. Someone who believed that what you say is true and sincere. Someone who thought of you as special. Someone who was your friend.

If this is what you do to your friends, then I no longer want to be.

I’m so tired. So tired of understanding you. So tired of accepting what you say even if you can’t accept what we have to say. So tired of believing you. I’m tired of defending you. And I’m so tired of forgiving you.

I don’t hold grudges. So this is my closure. So please! Don’t turn this around! Don’t tell people I attacked you through this post. I have never or ever will I attack someone, even if he/she is deserving. Don’t add any more drama to this drama.

I hope your happy wherever you are. I hope you don’t regret anything you have done in the past. I wish you have learned something. Please accept it.

I don’t care if this hurt you, because apparently, you didn’t care if you have hurt us too.

I would like to forget every ad memory that happened between us. And to do that is to forget you completely. Goodbye.

This is a note posted by my friend, Kate for someone that we used to love and care. I know that you wont be that clueless, guys- cause I also post some of my same sentiments here in my blog. Happy reading! :)


Gladys/22 years old/Philippines

Im beyond your peripheral vision and aiming for art school.Im a provinciana girl at heart. I do think too much and contradicts myself most of the time.The internet doesn't speak for itself. There's more than meets the eye.