Rememorer
Broken Strings
Monday, May 16, 2011 • 6:59 AM • 0 comments

EPILOGUE:
"I know what it is to feel like your heart is out of your chest and you cant stop crying and wishing things had never changed....

I felt that feeling where you felt like you're dying from the inside out because you cant figured out what happened....

I've heard that silence that comes after blow - that kind that comes from having too much too say. Things dont always have to be okay"



These past few days, I've been bothered by something. Something that I don't wanna remember but I can't barely forget. Honestly, I don't wanna talk about it publicly cause I feel like its below the belt but I just want you to atleast have a clue on what I feel. So first of all, I wanna say sorry if ever someone will be hurt but as what I previously said, I mean what I said.

This is one of the most heartbreaking situation that Im experiencing. I truly believed that this problem will be okay- that it will be resolve soon. I never knew that this would be hopeless. As time goes by, the division is growing apart and its getting harder to relate. I attempted. I tried.

Almost all the people knew, except us, except me. I never had any idea. I never suspected that you would say those cruel words until it spilled and exploded by the hearts of the people who knew. At first, Im getting irritated cause they are all talking about the same thing and here I am- Clueless.

Here comes the hurt. I tried not to judge you - your feelings and intentions. But those cruel words that sank in my heart apparently broke me apart. Someone asked about how I felt. I lied and said nothing, thinking that it will save me from their sympathy. I felt like you play the game of pretend and play the part of a friend. I died a gruesome death and curse you out. You sure know how to treat me wrong.

Im not saving myself. Im not acting that I didn't hurt you too. But those words are your wish. How could you be so thoughtless? How could you be so hateful? How could you look at me after uttering those words? I am far more convinced that you already throw away all those precious memories that we shared together.

You get too proud that you let us fall away from you. Those nice words that you say, tell me, which of those are true? Did you listen or you just heard my voice? You pat my back and stick the knife on my chest. Those words have fully reached its ground. All these things about you, I cant hardly believe. That is your life and Im no longer there.

And now all those word that we kept should just be left unsaid - for us not to hurt each other anymore and for us to move on with our lives. For now, I just want to cut all our attachments and connections. I believe that it will give me some comfort to finally get though with this. I wish to walk away and forget all what we had.

I dont know how much time will it take for all of us to feel okay. Im kinda hesitant to know how deep the scar will be. But maybe in God's time and will, everything will be okay. Cause practically, God gave you to me with good, apparent reason.

After all, I guess this is goodbye. Nae Chingu Jagbyeol Insa!


P.S
God, help me. Please help me to be understanding. If I cant be able to forget then atleast help me to forgive.



Gladys/22 years old/Philippines

Im beyond your peripheral vision and aiming for art school.Im a provinciana girl at heart. I do think too much and contradicts myself most of the time.The internet doesn't speak for itself. There's more than meets the eye.