In Times Of Waiting
Sunday, December 28, 2014 • 5:04 AM • 0 comments

2014 will be soon over and I can't believe that I didn't really post anything since the latter part of 2013. Well, these past few months were really tiring and depressing. Maybe because Im idle that's why that melancholy feels easily creep through my system. There is always that moment in life when we feel like helpless,hopeless, in despair, beyond repair, in deep frustration, in utter desperation.

There is this particular moment when it feels like everything’s going wrong, everyone’s less tolerable, every action’s out of place, every aim missed, and all of what remains becomes so blurry I can’t hold on to them. It feels like, in the end, nothing really makes sense. It is as if nothing really matters. I'm waiting for something to happen, something life changing that can at least make my life a little bit challenging. In those times, I know that I became a little bit impatient cause I feel so overlooked and that my prayer is not a priority than the rest of those who suffer more. I really can’t count how many times I prayed hard to escape until without any warning, something unexpected happens. My prayer was finally answered.

Well, Im not that whiny school girl anymore 'cause 2014 finally welcomed me into the real world---Im finally a working girl hehe :) And that is the reason why I became busy to even check my online accounts or even pick my books which usually eats my time.  It's a one of a heck experience to work with different people who not only came from different places but also from different era. That sounds Jurassic but yes, era; for it meant age gap and wide variety of understanding. It feels like first day of school all over again when you need to deal with different kinds of people.

From the gradual drifting to all those childish moments of mine, I guess having a real job is not really that bad. In those months of waiting and being torn between having a job and studying some more, there are times when I feel incompetent and for the lack of a better word “stupid” and  wonder. I doubted myself if I can handle the job, the changes, the people. There's this perpetual lingering of thought that I might mess up and cause inconvenience. During the past months, Im glad that I survived. It hasn’t been easy but doing something you always thought you couldn’t do is priceless :)

I remember that popular adage from our bulletin way back college that says God answers our prayers in 3 ways: Yes, No, I have something better in mind. I believe I could truly draw context from that.  His time is not our time. Unanswered prayers don't necessarily mean that we're overlooked. Everything that happens in life has a very essential reason and purpose. We may not understand it while we are still playing our part in that situation, but once we’re done with that scene and we look back, God never fails to make us understand why. It may take days, months, or even years for that realization to occur but rest assured that when you finally understand, your heart will just be filled with gratefulness to God for letting things happen the way He plans it. In my season of waiting, I only have one prayer I keep on saying to God: That may His will, will be over my desire.  Looking at where I am today, thank you God. Your answer came on time :)

Happy Holidays everyone :)

Gladys/22 years old/Philippines

Im beyond your peripheral vision and aiming for art school.Im a provinciana girl at heart. I do think too much and contradicts myself most of the time.The internet doesn't speak for itself. There's more than meets the eye.