♥ Thoughts ♥

This Too Shall Pass

2012-02-13T06:30:00.000-08:00

Loneliness is eating me. Im alone and too afraid to cry. Now Im having this feeling that I need someone to talk to but Im too shy to ask for their time cause maybe 1) they are busy 2) they dont care about my sappy feeling and 3) Im afraid that they will just despise me. I feel left out and everything is already slipping away. I just need someone who is willing to listen to me. I am not demanding for some understanding for I bet its too much.

"I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning."
-The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

When people look at you for strength and friendship, you cant demand yourself to be weak. You should be patient and strong enough to help them. I actually think that it is fun. Its fun to be needed, it will make you atleast worthy. But when they started to hate you all they can remember are your flaws and wrong doings. You wont make them listen no matter what you do. And its starting to make sense. The best thing to do is to lie and cover yourself and sugarcoat your words but people will keep on asking and then you would realize that you're not that good in acting.

Now I can feel tears but I dont wanna let them drop. It will just create some fuss and I dont think that my reasons are enough to get through the night. When people try to tell me what to do, I cant help but cry. And I swear they hate my tears. I dont know why I should ask permission to feel. I knew someone who hates my angry self, someone who hates my quiet self, someone who hates my honest side and someone who doubts my silence. Is there really something wrong about me? Cause I feel like I am never enough to make people happy that's why they divert their attention to others.

And Im overthinking again. Im starting to collect all my scars and weaknesses. Thinking that if Im strong enough for myself, my life will be different. People will not take me for granted or maybe I view things in a different perspective or better yet people wont leave me as they pleased. But aside from these imagination, my dying wish is for people to atleast try to understand me and not to just simply misunderstand my words.

Im starting to have my suicidal thoughts. I dont know but I feel like Im on the verge of a serious mental breakdown and all I can feel is sadness and the fear of being alone. And just in case I won't have the chance to see you all tomorrow, atleast I wrote down the things that I went through. Atleast I wont leave any curiosity to people who don't actually care.

Goodbye. Till we meet again.

Hola Old Self!

2012-01-23T06:08:00.000-08:00

The Title! Ohhhh word! HAHAHAHA! Please forgive my craziness today. Im just super happy that midterms is finally over. And here comes the long weekend! So rewarding! Im not actually thinking about the results now. The exams are hard as expected and yeah, I am not expecting much since the time I allotted for studying is not enough. Just some little updates cause I've out for too long keke~

January 22: Sunday
Damiel's Christening

I had an exam till 11 in the morning so I need to rush in order to attend my nephew slash godson's christening. Luckily, the exam finished earlier than we thought and I arrived earlier than expected so I need to wait for my mom or cousins to fetch me up.
The heat will kill me. I swear! I waited for some time until Ate Tin fetched me. Goodness gracious and we need to rush because we heard that the ceremony is already starting. This day is a such a fun day with relatives :)

January 23: Monday
Kiong Hee Huat Tsai!

Kiong Hee Huat Tsai/ Kong Hei Fat Choi everyone! :)

The 19th!

2012-01-12T05:25:00.000-08:00

I just turned 19 today! I feel so old :( That's why I hate remembering my birthday- a slap on the face, a conclusion that I can't go back , the reality. I don't know why I am feeling too nostalgic today. I just put in mind that maybe Im sentimental about growing up because I had a happy childhood and I can't let go of these memories.

Oh well, though I feel old and lil sad, Im still happy thinking about some things and people who made me feel special :) I can't express how happy I am, by just looking at those notifications and birthday greetings that I got today. I knew that facebook do all the reminder, but still I do appreciate people who can make someone smile by just greeting a happy birthday. Its feels like they are happy that I am alive. On days like this, its too hard to be happy. Cause after all the failures and lonesome moments, there's still a day that you can smile or laugh freely. Once again, thank you so much guys ^_^v

I just spent the whole day with friends, family and foods hahaha! I also wanna spend my birthday with my high school friends but Im too shy to ask and they all look busy. Maybe soon :) I also had 3 wishes and Im not expecting that all of them will eventually happen; but if they do, I will be the happiest fangirl ever kekeke~!

Happy 19th birthday fangirl! :)

The First of 2012

2012-01-06T22:51:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone. Happy New Year! Its already 2012 and this post serves as my very first post for this year. Yay! Im so happy that my blog is actually updated before school kidnaps me HAHAHA!So how's your New Year and first day of school/work? Mine was a blast :)

Like Christmas, we spent our very first New Year here at Valenzuela. Complete family, lots of foods, photos, cool fireworks, fun with relatives and Brownout - yes, minutes after the countdown, someone from the neighborhood decided to light up this freaking "goodbye philippines". Cool yowww for we still had decent photos.

After realizing that its already New Year, I became confused and started cramming because the unfinished school works are still on my cabinet and waiting for me to finally get them done plus the major 60 provisions of sales that ripped my heart into pieces.

The first day of school is daebak! My law class that has been a topic of my twitter rants for about a week is gone because our professor is not absent. And MAS is just alright and yeah, just a laid back day. But the first whole first week of class made me feel like vacation didn't actually come and I've been going to school for about a year.

And I've been obviously on the verge of mental breakdown this week, the next week and the list goes on. I can actually feel the presence of midterms cause the profs are starting to act like monsters, giving us all the works that they can think of. I hope I have enough time to study. I don't really want to spend summer in a remedial class.

Plus, plus, plus I'll be turning 19 this month! Huhu, childhood is finally saying goodbye. I hope I can celebrate this day with fun. A nice lunch or dinner will make it work. I just want a birthday cake with a "Happy Birthday Gladys" (without age haha) and a firework-like candle/cute candles on top- that is so fancy! I would love it definitely! :)

Brownout Photo! Good thing, there's this thing called "flash"

Foodies!

I love this photo so much! ;)

Its Christmas Time!

2011-12-25T07:06:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas everyone! How's your Christmas and Noche Buena last night? I hope you had peace and fun with family, relatives and friends :) Leave all the hate, bitterness and heartaches away. Lets rejoice and be thankful to Jesus Christ, our Savior. Happy Birthday Jesus! :)

This year's Christmas celebration is very different from our family's annual tradition. Every Christmas, we are visiting Pangasinan and spent the whole night having a Christmas Party with my mom's relatives. But this year, we decided to celebrate it in our new home. After having our trip to Ilocos Norte, we felt so tired traveling and I guess its better to stay home in our very first Christmas here at Valenzuela.

We celebrated this season with my old maid Auntie. A year ago, her mother died. So she's all alone and I just felt sad thinking about it. So its super nice to have her celebrate with us. She's one of my closest aunt, btw. When my dad was still in Clark, she's always with us going to malls and eating in different restos :) I wish that she had so much fun celebrating with us as much as we do.

And now, I believed that I need to go back working on my school stuffs plus Midterms will be coming and I need good results. So, Merry Christmas again everyone! :)

Family Reunion in Ilocos :)

2011-12-21T18:02:00.000-08:00

After 6 months, I got a chance to visit Ilocos again. Im so lucky haha! Unlike our other vacation, our family got a chance to be complete. The main agenda is remembering our Tita Emma's 3rd death Anniversary. Time flew so fast. Its been 3 years already. I hope all the scars are healed right now :)

These 3 photos are taken before our night trip :)

Though I've been to Ilocos a couple of times, it is the first time that almost all of us fell on the same schedule and stayed on our grandparents' house. So the whole house is a mess and full of voices. My Lola is actually the one who is "KJ" and she dont want any noisy people around cause she believes that it is embarrassing and an improper behavior; but she dropped that principle when she saw all of us kekeke~

DAY 1
Saturday

We arrived past 6:30 am, I guessed. Our other relatives are already there and we had breakfast together. Had some conversation then my sister and I snoozed off a bit until almost lunch time.
We went to our Tito's house and had "padasal." Then we ate miki, suman, badurya and variety of things. My other cousins and I went to the church to walk and play. Had lots of photos hahaha~

A photo with my mom and my cousins ;)
With Aldrin and Wiswis
Awww, this is such a cute photo hihi ;)

DAY 2
Sunday

Its Tita Emma's 3rd death anniversary. We had lunch with almost all of our relatives then we took photos with our grandparents- this is rare. A'la unicorn! :P I also had fun playing with my younger cousins and niece. I always feel like a child with them and they dont put much drama around haha.
We also watched Exam with my sister and my other cousin but I cant concentrate much because I'm busy playing with my niece kekeke~
When we got home, my three (3) younger cousins asked me to play badminton and I agreed. I feel like a varsity player hahaha! When my sister joined us, its chaos!I know that she can't play to save her life bwahahaha!

With our grandparents :)

Cousins!
Our family with my Lolo and Lola
Those silly poses :(

DAY 3
Monday

We actually dont know where we are going this day. But surprisingly, my cousin will participate in the foundation day program of their school. Being a stage relatives, we went there to support her hahaha~ After watching her, I played badminton with my cousins then had wacky and jump shots in front of the church :D
And suddenly, is raining hard and the wind is so strong. So chilly. So cold. That's why I love Ilocos' weather. The thing that I got wrong from my packed clothes is that I didn't bring any long shorts or pajamas. That's why Im really freezing.
Before hitting bedtime, my cousins and I watched Praybeyt Benjamin. Its super hilarious and we didn't finish it because we're already zombified.

And dalawa kong kalaro sa badminton :)

On our way home

Me so flexy hihi :)

Jump Shotttt!

My cousin in her drum and lyre attire :)

DAY 4
Tuesday

We stayed at home and played almost the whole day. I actually dont wanna leave and as much as possible I wanna stay with my grandparents and my cousins during our last day. God, I miss them so bad :(

Munisipyo at Night. This is the last photo I took at the bus on our way home :(

Right now, there's is no definite plan as when are we going to visit Ilocos again. I hope next summer! hihi xxx :)

The Scent of Christmas Break :)

2011-12-13T02:55:00.000-08:00

Unlike the past two years, me and my college best friends celebrated it with our other classmates. We tried very hard to match our schedules but time didn't permit us, that's why we didn't have our annual Christmas party. We waited so long for this laid back day. Nothing special, we just chill, had exchange gifts and had a non stop karaoke to finally conclude the year.

Almost 9 am
Arrived at 7 eleven- the place where we should meet each other. Though Im late, my friends still arrived past 10 am. Mga kabogera talaga haha!

Almost 11:30 amWe chilled at Det's dorm. We waited for them to prepare before going to SM.

Past 12
Not that hungry but they wanna eat so we just had take outs in different resto cause we're too tired of chicken.

Almost 1 pm
Det, Hya, Joan and I went around the mall. We just explore and had so much fun looking at some interesting pieces at the department store.

Almost 3pm

Det, Joan and I went to a karaoke hub because we cant actually figure out what our friends are up to. Then after 30 minutes or so, they also go for a karaoke then we had exchange gifts.

So simple yet so fun day. We've been through so much this year. After all the broken friendships and promises, heartaches, tears and failures, we are now finally saying goodbye to these sorrows and finally embracing the new level of maturity with each and everyone of us helping each other :)

Happy Holidays Guys!!!

Aleth, Me, Det and Nikki

Busy people with their gifts kekeke~

We're singing Sparks Fly in a concert way haha ;)

Wackyyyy! :P

Blurred kasi pasmado ang nakuha haha!

Them shyyy :D

Almost last photo :)

Still on the Search

2011-12-01T22:57:00.000-08:00

Wow! Its already December! This is one of my favorite months. I've been ranting on twitter to please fast forward this time to Christmas Break haha! And I've been randomly promising people that Im going to post something on my blog until today *poker face* Sorry people! :)

I've been busy with school, as always. Things are quite harder right now. Every one is expecting us to be mature and to take care of ourselves. And please add up my adjustment in our new environment. I've been forever whining about school works now - as if nothing is working on my side.

As time goes by, I am needing lots of help and people to remind me of some things. Im getting sad and forgetful and sometimes agitated by the fact that I can't get everything that I want. I used to tell myself that I will be a kid with a big big dream but that dream was accidentally thrown outside the window and Im still here , silently waiting for it to happen.

I badly want a break, not for me to rest but to think about some things- like if my high school classmates can still remember me? Does this someone knew anything about love? About trust? How slutty and desperate does she look? How random and hurtful can I be?

:( :( :(

Little by Little :)

2011-11-01T20:36:00.000-07:00

Its almost a week since we arrived in our new home. Kinda comfy but we're still adjusting. And finally, school tomorrow after a very very long sembreak but I still cant get enough of the vacation ;)

I just wanna share some of the first few photos in our new room with my sister :)

Finally Leaving

2011-10-23T19:59:00.000-07:00

After almost 17 years of stay in Villamor, we are finally moving on the 26th of October. I still cant accept it. I feel like I am going to leave behind all the memories. Though its only a material thing, its taking a bigger chunk of my heart. I know that changes are coming but Im still not yet ready for everything :(

I cant imagine myself moving into another house with a total different environment. I feel like my heart is going to burst being a total stranger to some place. And now I cant even look at our house in here, everything is packed in boxes and in bags. The rooms are all cleared. I dont actually know how to say goodbye.

There were lots of scenes playing in my mind (like running away from home, staying for almost a week and like). I feel like if I can do them then I would be save from nostalgia. I badly hope that its easier. The thing that we're just planning years ago is finally here.

Few days from now, I will be there. On the bright side, since we're seeing North, the place is more like, a lil bit, province side. So yeah, atleast :) But I will still miss Villamor. I will miss my hometown and 3 days from now, finally we're leaving.

Anything For Grades

2011-10-22T17:00:00.000-07:00

If you were on a borderline and you know that you will surely fail this time, would you do anything for grades? I mean all of us don't really want to fail. We don't want our parents or even others to know that after working our ass off the whole semester, we just screwed up. For me, that would be a nightmare. It can kill me, almost.

This issue has been firing up my mind these past few days. And of course with all the hint, you can guess that there's something fishy going on and I don't wanna talk about it here. Because (1) I am not directly involved (2) Some might get hurt (3) I don't wanna caps lock to death some think faced creature (4) It is simply uncivilized :). So let's just leave it hanging for I just wanna share some thoughts about it.

Your grades don't matter, it wont define you after all- this is one of the sweetest lie I've ever heard in my entire studying life. And yes, it wont really matter if you believe in it. But no matter how I eat these phrases, it wont be true. Grades create division, reveal someone's flaws and create negative criticisms. It wont matter to those who are smart but it will bother those who are not.

Like other students, I also experienced being a pathetic kid that will do anything for grades. I passed unnecessary projects, paid books in advanced to get some bonus points, checked some test papers, bought tickets and anything that they sell, cheated in some acceptable ways in my eyes and anything that can save me from hell and fail marks. It's not easy. Cause at the end of the day, you still want to erase those sins, clear your conscience and do your very best. But my very best is not enough to attain the grades that I badly want.

When you get a bad grade, you will end up getting a bad job and eventually fail your life; that's what they say. But I don't know if I am going to believe it. School doesn't teach us what we need to know. With all those formulas, bookish meanings and complicated sentences, would you really believe that you can remember them all in the future? Anything for grades, yes set that as a priority but don't live for it. You might end up not getting what you really want. You don't have to be a genius to survive life.

What I just don't understand is when someone denies that he actually cheated. Yes it's bad. People will judge you. But you should know that its a consequence of whatever you're doing. And it just something that I badly want to emphasize. If you can do anything for grades then don't you ever come clean in front of the people. It already a sin to cheat, add some up and you will start to burn. And the worst, you ended up dragging people who actually helped you. Wow, what a scene! Such a hypocrite, stupid and pathetic person you are. How desperate of you, fool.

NEVERLAND

2011-10-20T17:56:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone! First of all, I just wanna say sorry because I didn't update my blog these past few weeks. School became so demanding after Midterm Exams. I also wanna say thank you to those people who cares enough to leave kind messages in my tagboard , to those people who asked questions regarding my condition and also to those people who encouraged me in my other social networking sites. Thank you so much guys! I really appreciate those kindness. Please leave your names next time especially in formspring :)

So yeah, after midterm exams our professors started acting like psychos requiring us everything they can think of. From written reports up to practice set and financial statement that we just downloaded from the net. And here comes the cynical final exams. Its super hard as never expected. So right now, Im patiently waiting for my grades while packing my things up. Gonna give you some little updates about my life these past few weeks :)

September 10
Saturday
Jollibee with friends

My first time in Jollibee after 3 years, I guess. I dont really like foods from Jollibee except their burger steak. But this day I found myself stuck with my friend's idea and his dad is with us so its very impolite to say no. When I entered there, its kinda uncomfortable and I can't really point out what to eat. Im clueless with their menu. But I have a fun time with my friends and I just ate spaghetti haha. Maybe you're thinking that Im picky, but no. Its just I dont really like their food :)

September 14
Wednesday
Goodbye Kawasaki

Im really teary eyed when I found out that our tricycle ( which we named as Kawasaki) is already sold out. It is older than us so I am seeing it everyday of 18 years. Though I already knew that it will be sold in the future cause we can't bring it in our new home, I never thought that it would be this early. And now when I look at our garage, it is so bright and empty. And its slowly taking over me that we need to leave this place soon :(

September 19
Monday
Joan's 19th Birthday

Dugo, pawis at luha ang binuhos ni Joan para lang matuloy to! HAHAHA! This was like an almost postponed party, thanks to Joan's drama ;) So the whole barkada is complete here. Kate even risk her afternoon classes just to be with us. Fun day with all the singing, laughing and eating :)

September 21
Wednesday
Nanay's 51st Birthday

Its my Mother's 51st bday! :) We decided to have atleast a little party with our relatives for this is her last birthday in Villamor. I went home early to help her then we waited for my sister and uncles. Had a blast though :)

P.S: Some of the dates I put up in here is not the exact date when the happenings really occurred. Those were the dates I marked in my planner :)

Sweet August

2011-08-28T18:51:00.000-07:00

I miss my blog! Hello! :) I've been busy preparing and taking my midterm exams, that's why Im away for almost a month. And I've been having a super great and fun August. One of my best August, I guess ;)

August 7; August 10; August 14
Midterm Exams

Its an almost 2 weeks of six bloody examination. I've been praying, hoping and wishing very hard to atleast passed them all. The exams are as usual, harder than I ever imagined. Its actually hard to motivate myself to do good when I feel so tired and gloomy. I actually got the results of my 4 examinations and its actually whacked! :)) I never felt so happy every midterm exams. This is the first time that I didn't really actually cried haha.

August 15; Thursday
Movie with College Friends

Right before midterm exams, my friends and I planned for a movie day. But due to a very complicated schedule of our exams, we need to ditch the original date and planned it just after the exams.

So we watched, "Ang Babae sa Septic Tank." Its actually a very hilarious and eye wakening movie. Though its story roll on how-to-make-a-good-movie plot, the scenes that were included are true and relevant to the true story of our society. A very good movie though I badly wish for more ;)

August 20; Saturday
Alyssa's Debut

I actually tried to revoke and ditch this debut party cause Im shyyy haha. Alyssa and I were good friends way way back elementary days. And our families are good friends too but you know, time can change everything. So Im actually shocked when she invited me to her debut and her mom went to our house and ask me to be one of her 18 candles. Imagine the shock that I got haha.

When we got there, I felt like Im shrinking because Im actually super shy but when I saw my old friends, I felt okay and at peace again. I actually had a super fun night :)

August 25; Thursday
Divisoria

I went to Divi with my friends and got lots of cool and cheap stuffs. Will be going back again next week. I cant post lots of stories here cause nvjbnfrjbjvsn! Soon! :)

August 27; Saturday
Aleth's Debut

Been up for 4 days convincing my parents for Aleth's debut until Im permitted haha. Its a super fun night with my college friends, effin typhoon and the joke that I got when Aleth requested me to be a proxy for her 18 candles hahahaha.

And I've been rushing to go home and been paranoid the whole night while Im waiting at the jeepney to reach EDSA Saw lots of suspicious people and I've been holding tightly the scissors and fork courtesy of my good friends and I wonder if Im the one who look suspicious now. Hahahaha. My Goodness!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

September will coming and Im hoping so hard that it would be good. My parents actually planned our vacation in the future and Im so excited so I need to study very hard :D I can smell Christmas! Yay :)

P.S I've already put a query box on the right side of my blog, below the tagboard. You can just simply put your queries there and it will be directed on my formspring account. You can also check the answers on the link provided on the query box :)

In This Endless Winter

2011-08-01T18:38:00.000-07:00

Today is such a gloomy day. I dont know if the weather is just simply affecting my feelings or not but I felt like something is slowly deteriorating inside of me. Since junior year came, I felt like Im moving on to what I want but Im aware that I need to leave behind some things, some people, some relationships -- not because I consider them as a wall but because no matter how I want to keep them, fate didn't permit me. Saying goodbye to these things hurts in a very old school way. Maybe Im heading off to my dreams but it doesn't really mean that I don't need them.

To be honest Im afraid. Im afraid that because of times we've been separated by distance, my friends and I would not be the same as before. I promised that I won't change, that I'll be with them no matter what. And even if you believe me or not, Im still keeping that promise. There were numerous times when I revoked my friends' invitations because my schedule is not as friendly as it used to be. If I have a choice, I would definitely love to join my friends and atleast have some fun with them.

I understand if my friends got angry or sad because I cant even fulfill their request. I understand if they blame it all on me. I understand if they dont talk to me for days because I've been ditching them. But sometimes it hurts me too much when they start to ask about my sincerity and loyalty. Im also trying hard to reach out, please don't just shoo me away.

I know its tricky. But can you just simply trust me? I wonder if this thing really happens when we started to grow up and part ways or I am just bad friend who only exerted a little effort to reach out. I find myself dwelling in the shallow and awkward conversations with my old friends with long silence that can be deafening.

Its always scary when I think about the beggining and ending of friendships. Friendship is one of the deepest relationships - comfortable and lovely. But this is what I assure you guys, maybe you're thinking that I never think about you or I never included you in my prayers, but you're wrong. Well, yes, maybe we're far from each other, maybe I made new friends but you will always be in my heart and in my mind. For me, you're always with me catching up lunches, movies, playing and telling each other stories.

If I only had that precious choice then we will not be far away from each other. If I only had the ability to rewind and pull back everything then I know for sure we are still enjoying everyday things with each other. Im really sorry for being not enough. Im really sorry for making you sad and making you feel alone. Im sorry :(

College Week 2011

2011-07-25T18:47:00.000-07:00

The very long-awaited event is finally here! I've been busy doing stuff for school while Im dying to finally have a peek of our College Week. I've been flooding my twitter with overdue excitement cause I really cant wait for this event, and one more thing, it smells vacation, privacy and a week of freedom! A week from now will be the hell week- Departmentals! So I guess this is such a treat before I found myself in dilemma again.

There's a thing that left me in astonishment and that is, I-am-a-junior-now-and-still-standing-strong-in-this-course feeling. I never saw or imagined myself in this situation. I thought last year's college week will be my last. But God is good :)

The Opening ;)

I dont find the opening too exciting unlike before, you can even add up the gloomy weather. The event is not well organized and people are all messed up in the oval. The official announcement in the flagpole is kinda disappointing, I didn't hear any exciting shout and the confections are not that too much, I actually thought that they were sand haha.

Shots during the parade ;)

After the opening, we went to SM. Well, this part is way too happier than the opening hahaha! So we went to McDo, ofcourse to eat like some dinosaurs :D Then we waited for Pervs at the K-hub where we indulged our sober selves with kpop, 90's and power belter's songs. We stayed there for almost 2 hours, I guess.

Our table is crowded with foods. Food Monsters! :))

Its still early so we decided to watch a movie. Det and I really like to watched The Ward but due to some circumstances we ended up watching a lame movie, Shark Attack. I've been shouting for a couple times in the there's-the-shark-oh-it's-just-bangus scenes :))

After watching the movie, we went to the food court. I dont know if my friends really decided to eat but we ended up eating spicy rice cakes and fish cakes at Flammable Topokki. Man, my tongue actually suffers from flame. Super spicy! Then I went home after. I went home ahead of my friends for its getting late and Im sure my mom will turn into an investigator again haha.

K-HUB Time!

I sure had a very fun day today but I still feel some gap. I wanna say sorry to my friends. Guys, I swear I had sure fire fun with you but I cant help but miss our other friends who were with us last year. I hope you understand :)

No classes this week except Wednesday and Saturday. But it's still okay. Yahooooooo! Gonna get myself rolling in my bed haha. I miss my life! :D

CREDITS: Credits to my friends to whom I steal some of the photos I posted here. Thank you guys! xxx :)

For All Your Queries...

2011-07-22T04:50:00.000-07:00

Hello Guys!

To all those people who are posting queries on my tag board regarding my blog, html codes, photos, places, anything that you wanna ask, please proceed to my formspring account. Its kinda hard to answer your questions on the tag board because of character limit. Thank you! :)

xxx,
gladys

Something For Our Weary Souls

2011-07-13T03:40:00.000-07:00

Hello! Im back again. I've been so busy doing different stuff for school. Actually, these past few days are not that good. Im almost sleepless, stress and often irritated. I always feel bad these days cause I felt like my effort is not enough to atleast survive my everyday life at school. I think my soul is not in my body anymore. Its like it has been pull out from my system and I feel like a zombie.

Oh well, there is something that I think I can recommend to bring back some of our senses. That is - reading novels! Reading novels is actually good for our soul and brain for it makes us feel the reality even more even we're just using our imagination. And one good thing about reading novels is that we develop sensation and inspiration that drive us to something that we want. It makes us feel alive.

So before junior year began, I started reading Looking for Alaska by John Green. It is a young adult novel that talks about the main character - Miles Halter and his search for the Great Perhaps but instead his searching brought him to his real friends and the memories that made his way out of his own labyrinth. By the way, Alaska is not a place -its actually a person :)

"I suspect you're exaggerating. But look, you're going to get in trouble. Ninety-nine percent of the time, your parents never have to know, though. The school doesn't want your parents to think you became a fuckup here any more than you want your parents to think you're a fuckup."

Actually, this novel contains intriguing scenes related to teen smoking, drinking, sex,drugs,etc.) But this novel doesn't mean that it contains crap. This book is actually life changing. It will make you appreciate the people around you, your own sufferings, life and death.

"Doing wrong and having wrong things happen to you. That's the problem. Bolivar was talking about the pain,not about the living or dying. How do you get out of the labyrinth of suffering?"

The book also contains some of the last words of famous people (Miles' favorite) , some questions revolving around humanity, life after death and questions that were stuck on our minds. It will tickle your emotion when you finally reach the 2nd Part (After). You'll see how Alaska manage to stay alive in the hearts of her friends, especially to Miles, Colonel and Takuma (haha, that is some spoiler!).

"Just like that. From a hundred miles an hour to asleep in a nanosecond. I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane."

This book was by far the best book I've ever read (The Lovely Bones falls on my #2). This is easy read but its actually realistic. To make it short and snappy, The first part (before) talks about self discovery, teen lust, seeking for great perhaps and friendship. The second part (after) talks about understanding our loss, searching for the truth, coping with suffering and above all forgiveness. So go and read this wonderful novel. You wont regret it guys. It will make you feel good- well, I hope :)

"And what is an "instant" death anyway? How long is an instant? Is it one second? Ten? The pain of those seconds must have been awful as her heart burst and her lungs collapsed and there was no air and no blood to her brain and only raw panic. What the hell is instant? Nothing is instant. Instant rice takes five minutes, instant pudding an hour. I doubt that an instant of blinding pain feels particularly instantaneous."

"More than anything, I felt the unfairness of it, the inarguable injustice of loving someone who might have loved you back but can't due to deadness, and then I leaned forward, my forehead against the back of Takumi's headrest, and I cried, whimpering, and I didn't even feel sadness so much as pain. It hurt, and that is not a euphemism. It hurt like a beating."

Looking For Alaska
First Friend. First Girl. Last Words.

Terrified But Still Not Leaving

2011-06-19T03:30:00.000-07:00

Hellooooo! :) Im back to blogging again since I have my 3 days vacation filled with home works haha. Well, atleast Im finding some time to update my blog and share some of my sentiments. I may not update every week or even months due to school works :( But I still try to keep in touch with my words whenever I feel like Im dying :P

My very first week of junior year is over. I met all of my professors, well except for my prof in FinAcc 3. All of them are demanding my whole. I actually dont know which of the subjects should I study first. My books are all thick and they will seriously break my spine. I always need to sleep late at night and wake up early in the morning to study. I finally need to gather up all my senses to survive without any "5." Since, its only our first week, the professors only had their orientations and I need to sit back and listen for atleast 6 hours everyday. I find myself so lucky during my free days.

I finally felt the change in our class. Some of the people who became a part of my happy days during the first two years of my college years are now gone. Their voices, their faces, their stories are nothing more but memories. I have new classmates and we are not that talking to each other. I find it so awkward to start a conversation with new people. Though I really want the used-to-be-us, it will not happen anymore. My friends have made their decisions and Im proud of them for keeping it.

Im really hoping that I can survive until the end. As what I said before, I am not expecting to survive without any bruise or scars but I am expecting to have atleast a little chance of survival :D Oh well, I need to go now cause I need to finish all of my assignments :)

See you all soon on my next blog entry! :)

This Is The Last, Make It Last!

2011-06-11T20:59:00.000-07:00

Today is the last day of my vacation. Im still in the state of denial that tomorrow, I'll be in my junior year at the university. Time flies so fast. I still cant believe that my one month vacation is almost gone. I will miss my lazy times, my all day date with our television, my one-on-one game with plants vs zombies, my almost everyday crying/laughing moments while watching movies, my unlimited sleep and most of all my freedom.

My one month vacation seems like a therapy to me. I dont remember much all of the bad moments I once had these past few months - the situation, the issue, the people in it, they just completely disappeared. Im still thankful that even though its hard to go on, I still manage to finally say goodbye to these things.

This incoming semester, I know that everything will be maybe too hard for me. Well, I am not being negative but Im just expecting that some things may not work for me.Everything will not be the same anymore. No matter how I try to pull back time, I will never change the past. All the broken relationship, friendship, regrets, and laughter are all just part of my memories. I wont demand for any reconciliation anymore. I believe that everything will fall in their own places, if not now then maybe soon.

This sounds cliche but Junior Year, please be friendly to me. I dont know what will I encounter and how will I react with all the challenges but please give me some reasons to cheer up and never to give up. I wanna be strong cause its my only choice. In the coming months, I may find myself giggling or losing hope again. But again, I already chose this.

God, please help me. I know you have Your reason as to why Im still standing in here. I know those reasons will be enough for me to believe that I deserve what I have now. But please let me see those reasons. Clear my heart and touch my soul and please lead me to my purpose.

Dear Summer 2011,
Thanks for being with me the whole time, though I spent half of you on school. Im thankful that you're one of my best summers. Ohhhh, Im alive! :)

xxx,
gladys

Just Unexpected

2011-06-03T17:39:00.000-07:00

Hello! Its been so long since I last posted an entry on my blog. Its just Im at home the whole time, watching DVDs, going around, downloading songs and movies, slacking off the whole day until I fall asleep, and yeah Im too lazy to socialize - so basically, there is no interesting things to blog about. This is my longest summer vacation since I entered college. And when things run smoothly and I started to accept them, something unexpected happens :)

I just came back from my unexpected summer vacation at Paoay, Ilocos Norte :) Its unexpected in way that I previously turned down my planned Ilocos trip due to a change of schedule courtesy of my beloved family. We also ditched our Pangasinan trip so there's nothing more left to do but to curl up in a couch.

And then May 26 came. My Tito Francis called up to update us about our Lolo. Since he's not feeling well, my father decided that he will take a nigh trip on the 27th to visit our Lolo. I dont know but I suddenly said that I'll be going with him. Its been 2 years since I went to Ilocos - and its only because my Tita died. This is also my first vacation without my mother so I'm really clueless on what will happen :P When we arrived there, there's only a minimal change - particularly the house and its already finished. Its still the same Ilocos that I remember. My lolo is okay but eventhough he denied it, he's feeling weak. I know that he's not young anymore and it would be a good memory to atleast see him this year :) I had lots of fun when Im at Ilocos. I manage to depend on myself most of the time and have fun with my little cousins :)

May 28 - Saturday
~We got there at 6am just in time for breakfast. Had Ilocos Langgonisa for breakfast and empanada for snack. These foods are my favorites. They are to die for. Its only in Ilocos :)
~My other cousins/niece visited us. Playtime :)

Im with the sheeps :))

My cousin playing spongebob collapse

empanada ;)

May 29 - Sunday
~Went to the first Mall in Ilocos, the Robinsons Ilocos Norte and played with my little cousins at Tom's World while my Tita is busy at the grocery.
~Went to Malacanang of the North and Paoay Lake *P.S I dont even know that there's no mall at Ilocos during the previous times hahaha

At the Malacanang of the North

Addicted to Tom's World :D

May 30 - Monday
~We went to a "bukid" to plant some Papaya. Funtime with Teddy (my Lolo's adorable dog)
~Saw a "salagubang" in my room hahaha and my father tied it so I can play with it :D

Salagubang :)
Playing with the cow haha :))

Abagatan :)

Teddy :D

May 31 - Tuesday
~We went to bayan and visit the famous, Paoay Church
~Visited my cousins and we ate ice cream in a dirty manner hahahaha :P

Outside Paoay Church
The Old Steps of Poay Church
Nice Photo :)

My Cousins and Niece

April 2 - Thursday
~My Last day :(
~We went to Batac for my Lolo's check up
~My first time in a provincial public market in Ilocos(as far as my memory permits)

These are the last photos from my Ilocos Trip. Though I feel so sad, I'll be coming back on December :)

This is one of my best vacation ever! I never thought that I would be happy these past 5 days. Im really a provinciana girl at heart. I love it when Im in the province. People just live a simple life like you wouldn't ask for more. I feel like my heart is at peace. Living in the city in a full speed, sometimes escaping to a far away place is best option :)

The Most Pitiful People

2011-05-19T05:15:00.000-07:00

The pitiful people are not those who lack material things - its the people who have jealousy in their hearts because they cant have those things.

The pitiful people are not those who shed lots of tears - its the people who fake their tears to get others' sympathies.

The pitiful people are not those who lack money - its the people who talks about their money.

The pitiful people are not those who have low grades - its the people who cheat, use nepotism and their influence to have high grades.

The pitiful people are not those who have few friends - its the people who cant see who their real friends are.

The pitiful people are not those who lie to protect others - its the people who wish worse things to others.

The pitiful people are not those who are sentimental - its the people who pathetically cause drama.

The pitiful people are not those who give poor opinions - its the people who fight back others' opinions and close their minds to others' ideas.

The pitiful people are not those who dont have dreams - its the people who have big dreams who dont even care if they hurt other people.

The pitiful people are not those who have guilt in in their hearts - its the people who throw their guilt just to clear their conscience.

The pitiful people are not those who dont know anything - its the people who act that they dont know anything.

And the most pitiful people are not those who are pleading and regretful of their mistakes - its the people who never say sorry and ask forgiveness to people that they hurt.

So how pitiful can you get to get through the top? :)

Broken Strings

2011-05-16T06:59:00.000-07:00

EPILOGUE:
"I know what it is to feel like your heart is out of your chest and you cant stop crying and wishing things had never changed....

I felt that feeling where you felt like you're dying from the inside out because you cant figured out what happened....

I've heard that silence that comes after blow - that kind that comes from having too much too say. Things dont always have to be okay"

These past few days, I've been bothered by something. Something that I don't wanna remember but I can't barely forget. Honestly, I don't wanna talk about it publicly cause I feel like its below the belt but I just want you to atleast have a clue on what I feel. So first of all, I wanna say sorry if ever someone will be hurt but as what I previously said, I mean what I said.

This is one of the most heartbreaking situation that Im experiencing. I truly believed that this problem will be okay- that it will be resolve soon. I never knew that this would be hopeless. As time goes by, the division is growing apart and its getting harder to relate. I attempted. I tried.

Almost all the people knew, except us, except me. I never had any idea. I never suspected that you would say those cruel words until it spilled and exploded by the hearts of the people who knew. At first, Im getting irritated cause they are all talking about the same thing and here I am- Clueless.

Here comes the hurt. I tried not to judge you - your feelings and intentions. But those cruel words that sank in my heart apparently broke me apart. Someone asked about how I felt. I lied and said nothing, thinking that it will save me from their sympathy. I felt like you play the game of pretend and play the part of a friend. I died a gruesome death and curse you out. You sure know how to treat me wrong.

Im not saving myself. Im not acting that I didn't hurt you too. But those words are your wish. How could you be so thoughtless? How could you be so hateful? How could you look at me after uttering those words? I am far more convinced that you already throw away all those precious memories that we shared together.

You get too proud that you let us fall away from you. Those nice words that you say, tell me, which of those are true? Did you listen or you just heard my voice? You pat my back and stick the knife on my chest. Those words have fully reached its ground. All these things about you, I cant hardly believe. That is your life and Im no longer there.

And now all those word that we kept should just be left unsaid - for us not to hurt each other anymore and for us to move on with our lives. For now, I just want to cut all our attachments and connections. I believe that it will give me some comfort to finally get though with this. I wish to walk away and forget all what we had.

I dont know how much time will it take for all of us to feel okay. Im kinda hesitant to know how deep the scar will be. But maybe in God's time and will, everything will be okay. Cause practically, God gave you to me with good, apparent reason.

After all, I guess this is goodbye. Nae Chingu Jagbyeol Insa!

P.S
God, help me. Please help me to be understanding. If I cant be able to forget then atleast help me to forgive.

May 2011 : Bits and Pieces

2011-05-13T03:51:00.000-07:00

May 6, 2011
Friday
Kate's House

We went to Kate's house to finally finish our Practice Set and Hands On. Its already 6:oo pm and we're still not finish. So we decided to have an overnight. I called my mom right away cause I know that she will be surprise that Im not coming home. After the deliberation (haha! exag!) she finally say yes. I cant help but laugh when I remember this day- having a sleep over without a thing, even a toothbrush. Im totally thankful that Im existing in this era - everything is possible, from communications up to 24/7 convenience stores :)

May 9, 2011
Monday
Janile's Place

Its Janile's belated birthday party :)) Originally her birthday falls on Monday- May 2 but due to some circumstances it was postponed. Its one of the happiest birthday party that I attended cause all the invited guests are common friends- close ones only haha ;)

May 11, 2011
Wednesday
PUP

Last day of Summer! This day is a mix of sadness, laughter and above all bitterness, misunderstandings and hatred. I cant say anything as of now. Gawd, my life :( I'll just share some photos.

May 12, 2011
Thursday
Villamor

Swimming with friends! Parang panata na ata namin to every year haha. Oh well, spent the entire afternoon at TOQ with my friends. Though I felt sad cause we are not complete. Minority issue and strict parents are almost the perfect hurdles. Then we had overnight again. At first, I really swear that Im going to sleep after dinner but I end up having random conversations with my friends. It cant be helped haha. After that day, everything will not be the way that it used to be. It wont :(

CREDITS: Thanks to my friends for all the photos. My camera played a little role this whole summer, just like the owner :))

Breaking My Silence by Kate Lontoc

2011-05-11T07:14:00.000-07:00

I’m a person who doesn’t say or sometimes, show how I really feel. I’ve kept my lips zipped all this time since the problem started. But now I want to break my silence.

*You said you needed time. We understood. But SHIT! It’s already been more the two months! Do you need all the time in the world to adjust? What you need to do is not to adjust but to accept. Accept the fact that you’re not perfect. Heck! No one’s perfect. You said that you were okay with the thought of talking things through. But why weren’t you the one who approached us first? Why were you the one who kept on ignoring us in the first place?

I had an open-forum too. Do you remember!? It was surprising at first. But I knew you guys did that because you cared. But why did you think that we did that because we didn’t “understand” you! WTF!? We always tried to understand you! We adjusted to you too! Friendship is also about adjusting you know. You said we don’t accept you?! Another WTF! What do you want us to accept everyone will hate you because we didn’t tell you your short comings? True friends tell the truth no matter how it hurts! But I guess you didn’t get that, did you!? Just move on already. Get over yourself, get rid of your pitiful pride and save what’s left of your dignity!!

*I always said sorry. The times when you had a fight with other people, you always had a way of finding a u-turn making me, someone who doesn’t even know that there was a conflict, seem like I started the fight. I was not the only one who saw that, many people did. I kept my lips closed, accepting every accusation from you. They, even my parents, said that I should tell you, but since I was afraid that if I talk back, you’ll get hurt and the problem will only explode. I just said sorry.

*After giving you space and time, I thought we were fine. They said I was naïve, sometimes even stupid for believing every word you put in my head. That time in the computer lab, you approached me. “Kate, mag-aral ka ah. Pag natanggal ka, malulungkot ako.” Then after the results came out, you ran towards me, hugged me and cried, you told me to believe you that you loved me as your friend. I believed even if they said don’t.

But BOY! WAS I DUMB!!! I should’ve believed them. You’ve already set your mind to the thought that you were changing sections if either I (or someone who I don’t want to mention here) don’t pass the SQE. It’s like you wish we don’t pass the exam. Like I was not smart enough to pass! WELL, YOU GOT YOUR WISH!! You shocked me. You said that you just said that because you were mad. But GOSH! I would never wish that on you, even if I was mad at you, which I’m not. You just disappointed me.

In a way, I feel like you lied to my face.

You lied to someone who cared for you. Someone who defended you, no matter what other people said. Someone who believed that what you say is true and sincere. Someone who thought of you as special. Someone who was your friend.

If this is what you do to your friends, then I no longer want to be.

I’m so tired. So tired of understanding you. So tired of accepting what you say even if you can’t accept what we have to say. So tired of believing you. I’m tired of defending you. And I’m so tired of forgiving you.

I don’t hold grudges. So this is my closure. So please! Don’t turn this around! Don’t tell people I attacked you through this post. I have never or ever will I attack someone, even if he/she is deserving. Don’t add any more drama to this drama.

I hope your happy wherever you are. I hope you don’t regret anything you have done in the past. I wish you have learned something. Please accept it.

I don’t care if this hurt you, because apparently, you didn’t care if you have hurt us too.

I would like to forget every ad memory that happened between us. And to do that is to forget you completely. Goodbye.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is a note posted by my friend, Kate for someone that we used to love and care. I know that you wont be that clueless, guys- cause I also post some of my same sentiments here in my blog. Happy reading! :)

CREDITS: http://www.facebook.com/notes/kate-angelli-lontoc/breaking-my-silence-closure/10150191749341842

Three Letters and Im done :)

2011-04-28T05:31:00.000-07:00

I never thought that the letters S,Q and E will determine my life. I never thought that these letters will give laughter, tears and most of all approval. I never felt so triggered and determined all my life. I never do something that I really, really want. But this time around, I felt something in my system, something in my heart that's saying that I want to do this.

So last April 15 I took my very last SQE in my entire university life. I read all the books and reviewers that I have and studied with my friends. Its not easy to study all the lessons the I took throughout the year and the questions that will appear in the examination will surely make my nose bleed.

I do have 3 examinations - Accounting, Computer and Law. Accounting is crucial.Some of the theories are in the reviewers but the problems are anjansjnjd! :( Computer is the easiest because they only repeated the exam last year. And Im lucky enough to memorize the whole reviewer. Law is the hardest. Darn! I cant help but be angry and resentful while I took the test and remember someone that should be taking the same examination with us.

And the results just came out. My phone is flooded with text messages saying that the results already came out. Its just like that for about two hours before my classmates texted the names of the passers. My highschool friend, Abbie texted me first then I call her to confirm the results. When the names are already texted, my phone literally hanged because of those text messages haha!

Some of the text messages I received :)

But after all, I cant be happy for myself. Yes, I do pass but still I cant be with my complete friends anymore. Thinking about it makes me feel sad. I think about myself too much that I dont even pay attention to my friends' fates. I still pray to God that eventhough we will not be together for the remaining 2 years, atleast make us happy until the end of summer class.

After all, Papa God, I just want you to know Im truly thankful for all the blessings, guidance and protection that You're giving me. You know very well that Im kinda hesitant with this decision. But You know how to get Your plans done. And now I surrender everything to You. Whatever comes in my way, I know that You will help me overcome them :) I also want to thank my family who never get tired supporting me eventhough Im the one who's already giving up. I wanna say thank you to my friends, classmates and to everyone who help me reached this stage. I may not mention all of your names but Im really really thankful to all of you :)

Its finally confirmed! Too bad, I didn't had the chance to take a photo of the exact list posted on the bulletin board.

See You Soon, AJ :)

2011-04-19T22:16:00.000-07:00

This last Saturday (Apr 17 2011), a shocking news conquer almost all the social networking sites- it is about the death of a young actor, AJ Perez. My sister who happens to be online on twitter told me that, some of the celebrities are posting their own condolences upon the death of AJ. I quickly switched on the television thinking that the news is just a hoax (its quite normal today).

News on the internet :(

The news is very sad and the tragedy is very cruel. Though Im not a super fan, I still feel something in my heart that made me sad. Just like the others, Im in the state of denial. As a Filipina teenager, I also grew up in the environment where the tweenies and teenagers usually watch teen oriented show (most probably during weekend broadcast) and luckily AJ is always part of these shows. I remember him as a good looking guy with a good acting skills. Though there are lots of teenagers in the field of television at that time he still managed to arise above them all- maybe that's what you called charisma and talent ;)

Today he is now consider as one of the fast rising stars due to his dedication and talent. He's almost there when the accident took him away. Its quite devastating to see all his possibilities and potentials as an actor suddenly fly.

A photo I took during their mall show at Metropoint Mall, Pasay City (March 2009)

And to tell you honestly, because of AJ's sudden death, I became aware of life and my limited time as a human. I remember the quote, "We're only passers by, not staying long. This is not our true & permanent home."

So today, I pray to God to help his family, friends, fans and all those people who love AJ to cope up and to accept AJ's death and God's reasons wholeheartedly. No one knows how long it may take to heal their hearts. No words can explain how deep their pains are. But I know that this young man will help his love ones to accept little by little all the things that happened. And lastly I pray to you, Papa God to please help AJ's soul in heaven. I know that he is in good hands and of course he is happy to finally meet You :)

Antonello Joseph "AJ" Sarte Perez
February 17 1993 - April 17 2011
I will always remember you with sweet smile and lively personality that you always give to your fans. I know that seeing and meeting Papa God is the greatest moment ever. I hope to see you in next life :)

Na Ottokae?

2011-04-01T05:34:00.000-07:00

I dont know if I should publish this post. All I know is that Im too full that I might burst. My heart is full of anger. Its nearly impossible that I can hear you right now. You made a fool out of me.I've been disappointed so many times, not giving a fuck is almost a reflex. But this one is different. Why do people lie and cheat? Is it because they know its easier to get forgiveness than permission?

Its never easy when a friend doesn't tell the truth- especially when you know that they are lying. It is something that is never easy to forget and forgive. I think it would be a lot easier if I know the reasons behind. Leaving me clueless as to what you are thinking and doing makes me mad a little bit more.

At first, Im not believing it cause this drama is such a one sided thing. I honestly dont know what your sides or reasons are. But it suddenly upsets me cause now, I finally knew what the real problem is. You never listen to us. You always fight back the opinions and words that we utter. You never admit that you were wrong. You never say that you were sorry for your mistakes. You always leave as hanging and guilty about the things that concern us. It always YOU and never US.

We tried to solve the some of the issues but I never felt the fulfillment cause as far as I remember, the last time that we had an open forum we were all in shock. We are not even complete at that time. And honestly, I was force to talk cause maybe I can contribute to your good sleep. Plus there were things that I learned this past few weeks that made me feel more upset and disappointed than before.

I know that were times that we need to lie and by that I dont exclude myself. I know that I also hurt you before by not being honest to my feelings and I will be forever guilty about this. And by that, I prefer the truth eventhough its less flattering, eventhough it hurts.

Im really hoping that we can all talk- to resolve the issue, to forget all of these problems, to finally go back to our old days. I know it will be hard for all of us but this is the right thing to do so we can all move on. After summer class, no one knows what will be our fate so it would be great if we can all talk.

P.S I know this is a sensitive topic to post in my blog- very personal, mind you. You find me bitching and dwelling about it- I know that Im being mean. But this is the most possible and easiest way to convey my deeper thoughts. Im sorry if I hurt others' feelings but I mean all the things that I said in here.

Mixxiiiieeee!

2011-03-29T19:20:00.000-07:00

Compilation of my feelings that I wrote on my diary as a short story. I forgot to note the dates haha :P

################################################

Last Friday, school became crucial. Stress, Departmental results, bitterness, and like all mixed up to create tears in our eyes. But I can say that I felt extremely special and blessed. I know its hard to comfort a friend when you're also struggling inside yourself- but my friends managed it. After being broken, we decided not to go home yet. We stayed at school until 4pm then we go to SM Centerpoint to erased, even for a second all the hurt and tears. And when I got home, I went to my room, cried then slept. The next day, I told my mom about it then suddenly I felt their full support which made me happy and open about what I felt the last time. And I think, Papa God is making me realize something- that is I am not alone on this battle. Maybe all I can only see is just myself standing but I forgot the people who's cheering me behind. But to tell you honestly, Im still afraid. What if all the things that I worked for will turn into dust? What if my everyday moments with my friends will become memories to look back? Well, hmmmm whatever happens, I will not regret all the things that I've done and shared with my friends and classmates. Please help me Lord! :)

###########################################

Got my almost complete grades. Well, everything is okay except for Computer. Im kinda waiting for my grade in Law cause Im hella excited. I dont really know why. Good Vibesssss :)

###########################################

Last night, I was torn if I should put this note along with my other blog posts. I know this is something personal and yes, one sided. But I know, someone should also have a hint of what Im thinking about this past few days. Im bitter and eager to know the truth behind your sugar coated words. I know that I am not really like this. When it comes to friendship, I honestly believe my friend no matter how absurd her stories. I tried my best to be on my friend's side no matter what her mistakes are. But now I think that Im such a jerk. It really hurts to know that someone, who is close to you, who know all your secrets. who happens to be your friend-- taken you for granted and even managed to lie? Forgive me for my words, bbxjdbxnacna!

######################################

My Law grade is super unimaginable, beyond cruelty and most of all, DECEIVING! Can someone explain it to me? Almost all of my classmates are heated for a battle.

######################################

Got home from PUP. Sleepover time. SQE moved on April 15. And before I forgot, WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR INDEX CARD? Did you eat the evidence? Oooppps, my bad =))

The Best Feeling I've Been Dreaming of :)

2011-02-26T06:53:00.000-08:00

The Best Feeling I've been dreaming of is falling in love hahaha! Yeah, its cliche and cheesy but I developed this kind of feeling (again hahaha) just this week after watching First Love(Crazy Little Thing Called Love). I find this movie very realistic and innocent at the same time. The movie plot is simple- a bug face girl (not so pretty) fell inlove with a very handsome boy, then the story goes on with the girl's effort and the boy's hidden feelings that draw love and heartaches at the same time. The hidden excerpts will surely balled your eyes out T.T

The story is very high school so Im sure everyone can relate with this lollipop love story. My high school memories really do flashed back and it reminded me how fragile and martyr a young heart is. Oohh, though Im tying hard not to remember my not-so-normal-one-sided-love-story, I cant help but laugh about the foolish things that I made for someone who cant see it :))

Some of the scenario that are mentioned and acted are:
1) Walk past just to see his face
Well, this scenario didn't happen to me :)) Cause as you all knew, my crush (or lets consider this as first love haha) is a celebrity. So yeah, basically, I just tried my hardest to follow him and attend his every gig. But since Im just a sophomore at that time, parent's permission is a must, so I didn't have the chance to do it with freedom :D

2) Keep his things as souvenir
What I got as a souvenir are his autographs and photos. Mind you, autographs and personal photos are too hard to get at that time. But too bad, in my four years of craziness, I didn't have any photo with him.

3) Call him just to hear his voice
And its vice versa! At first, its only on ym then cellphone then landline. I told my mom, sister and my friends that we really talked to each other through ym and phone, he even called me once on landline but no one believed me. But I swear, it really happened! I do have some of the print screens of our conversation in ym (cause Im using ym for web at that time so copies of conversation are possible)

4) Do everything to be beautiful
Been there, done that :) When I was a HS freshman, my teeth are not beautiful enough to produce a good smile. So even though Im afraid of the dentist, I tried my hardest not to fear getting dental braces that can straighten up my teeth. And guess what, my braces are still in tucked! :))

5) Or maybe to face him directly
Okay so this is the crucial and I never done this :)) Cause hello, yeah he is a celebrity and Im just a wide eyed girl who's shouting his name. And from the very first, I know that its impossible hahaha.

This movie also talks about the gradual evolution of heart and human- how it fell in love, how love serves as an inspiration and motivation, how someone learn to sacrifice for a friend, how two people who love each other broke their hearts up, how young hearts mend, and how people take all the long time patience to finally confess their true feelings.

In this movie, you can also see that there are a lot of people who will come into our life that will help us to be a better person- intentionally or not. There are happenings in our life that we cannot see but can still affect us in one way or another. And lastly we can do everything as long as we keep our faith to someone or something that we aim for. The supporting casts are also great and funny. The story that is based on the true story of everyone- First Love (Crazy Little Thing Called Love) :)

Little Updates :)

2011-02-20T06:20:00.000-08:00

February 11, 2011
Friday, 6m onwards
Shakeys Delta

Kate's 18th birthday! One by one we are already stepping and exploring the world of womanhood. Im so happy to see that we are already maturing and we still manage to keep each other. Happy Birthday my dearest Sandara and Thunder Fanatic! May all of your wishes come true :)

Blowing the candles at the CR :))

Kate, Me and Glazelle

TGIS taranta shots :))

HAHAHA! Detdet :))

February 25, 2011
Friday, Villamor
Tatay's Birthday

Happy 53rd birthday to my dearest father! The most patient disciplinarian ever. I can still remember how he tried to hit me with a broom but failed to do so :)) Thank you for all the love and support, Tatay. Love youuuuuuu :-*

Hahaha! Sorry about my face :)) That's 2 years ago actually. A photo right after my HS graduation :)

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Sorry for I only got this few updates. I just thought that I need to insert them before my time eats me up. Im kinda busy with school stuffs- from Accounting to PE (Physical Education). They are all tiring up my life. I hope I'll have some free time soon to share something worth it to read haha :)

The Ballad of Friendship

2011-02-12T01:22:00.000-08:00

Here we are again, listening to the same melody, singing the same lyrics but having the chorus in different tempos. My friends and I are trapped again with some misunderstandings- a bigger one. A problem that can change everything if we will allow it. Im anxious but Im still keeping my hopes up. Im still keeping my spirit high. And most of all I still believe in my friends.

Everyone knows that my friends are very important to me. My College life will never be colorful and happy without them. Because of my friends, I realize my worth as a person. I realize my dreams and the things that can make me happy. I experience silly things that will be kept as a memory forever. I was loved and needed in a way that I want. I realized that I am still atleast important. They are always there to root for me. They treat me without jealousy in their hearts and most of all they stand by me in every battle and act as my supporting system whenever I feel like giving up.

I am aware that I cant always tell my parents all my problems. And my friends are always there to listen- they are the source of my brave heart whenever everything is falling apart. I realized that I am not living for myself anymore. I may not be smart but my friends give me all the courage to go on with my life.

But I'm afraid that I failed my friends- I failed being a friend to them. I thought everything is okay for we feel the warmth and happiness when we are together. But I became dishonest to my friends about my feelings. I tried very hard to cover up all the things that I can see --- I shut my eyes and lips in order to tolerate the things that I can observe. I thought I can protect our friendship from falling by doing this. I thought I can protect my friends. But it only made the matter worst.

And here we are- torn and hurt. I know that I already saw some of the problems but I was petrified to tell the truth cause I might hurt her. I know that we should have tried to discuss and solve it at an early time but we chose silence, thinking it was the best. We let the misunderstanding grow upon us. We hide our emotions and never ask for some possible reasons as to why she's doing it - intentionally or not. We almost blame her for everything and we forgot about her feelings.

I hope everything will be back to normal soon. Im actually missing the old "US." Im actually missing all of our laughter, get- togethers, foolish acts, and dramas. But take all the time you need to heal the all the wounds that we caused you. Take all the space that you need. I apologize for all the things that I've done that hurt you. I know that we should be by your side to support and cheer you up. But please do remember that we will always be here.

I will keep this hope in my heart that sooner or later, you will come back again. And all these things will soon be vanish. And as we go on, I still believe that we will sing this song in harmony. God knows who we misses :)

"Please let me hear your voice again, Im praying that its not too late :) "
TGIS FOREVER :)

Fading Strength

2011-01-28T03:20:00.000-08:00

Im now caught in the situation that I never imagine in my life. I feel like Im losing my grip to all my hopes, wishes and happiness that already grasped. Why is that its so hard to get what I want? Am I not worthy enough to feel good and happy? Why is that whenever I had a happy time it is always seconded by a sad one? Im so tired and ready to quit life. I wanna believe everything that my friends are saying but that doesn't change the fact that Im slowly losing this battle.

I wanna be happy and celebrate with my friends but I became a burden to them today. I wanna cry so hard and shout because Im really mad and desperate, but I really dont know where to start. I know that my thoughts for today is just an implied words of reality but Im so afraid to let go of the word I've been keeping this day.

Im starting to wonder if I can keep this battle up. Im not expecting to finish it without any scars but rather Im expecting atleast a little chance of survival. I dont know how will I respond to my parents' disappointment, frustration or maybe anger if ever I slip in the mud. Oohhhh~ that's why I hate being sensitive. I wish my heart was made of stone. I wanna evaporate! Right now, all I can do is to do my best and let Papa God do the rest.

Blair Warldorf once said, "Destiny is for losers. It's just a stupid excuse for waiting for things to happen instead of making them happen," so now I m gonna take my chance not to rely to destiny or anything. I know I lacked good study habits, self discipline and right amount of positive motivation- and together they spell disaster :|

Crossed-fingers and hoping. Please help me God. I badly need this, I badly want it that I can do everything that it takes to be someone that Im halfway building.

Thousand Miles :)

2011-01-15T22:43:00.000-08:00

This week I celebrated my 2-days-18th-birthday. A simple yet an extraordinary event in life. And for the first time, I feel so special. I never thought that I would be given a chance to celebrate my special day with the people that I love.

Since my birthday falls on Wednesday (which happens to be my free day), my friends and I decided to celebrate it on Tuesday - double celebration, for Det's 18th falls on Monday. I never suspected for something more cause Last December I saw some notes on Kate's Accounting book and my friends are loudly stating that our plan is just like that.

A photo taken while waiting for Spanish Class

We just blew the candles :))

Then Last Tuesday, I know that my friends are up to something because all of them are not in the room- even if I die, it wont happen :)) Detdet told me that she saw them doing something on the benches (Im laughing really hard cause our secret plans never fail to leaked). And because of that my friends are forced to give their surprise earlier than they planned. I got a pink scrapbook and other gifts. The scrapbook is the best! I feel so love while reading the messages from my classmates, friends and even my family :)

At the KTV :)

Complete!Their Gift for me :)

We waited for Spanish Class to end then we went to Centerpoint. We ate at Shakeys with lots of laughter and to top it all they surprised us with cakes. Then we went to the KTV for our singing session. I feel so Jejemon while singing rap songs and 90's songs :)) We all went home at 6:30 pm. I had lots of fun with my friends who never fail to make me smile :)

While Waiting :D

Exactly 12 midnight of January 12

So on my actual birthday- January 12, Wednesday, my mother greeted me and my twin sister with morning kisses. She will be going to Valenzuela but she will arrive earlier than her usual time. My father also greeted us when he arrived. I knew that nothing special will happen cause my mother and us had a deal and we chose netbook :)) Such a sucker. Im up for a techie birthday :) The the fun started at nearly 6:30 pm when we all planned to have a picture taking haha. I got new photos with my parents again. Then my nieces and nephew came to celebrate with us. Such a happy day. I feel so loved by the people who love me back.

Family Photo without Glazelle :))

My idiot sister didn't get a shot while Im blowing the candles :|:))

A photo with our mother

I wanna take this opportunity to thank my parents for all that they have done for me not only for my special day but all over the years that I stayed with them. Thank you to TGIS (Volturi and Sisters' Company) for giving me a celebration that I will never forget. To my friends and classmates who wrote their messages on the scrapbook that you gave me, thank you. Thanks to those people that I met and never met who greeted me with all their effort on my facebook, twitter, phone, etc. And ofcourse, thank You Papa God! You granted one of my obvious wishes. Now no matter what happen, Im ready to accept Your future plan regarding my wish.

With my Pamangkins ;)

Cute Photo! :D

A photo with our father

I hope we are as healthy and happy as we are today. A huge thank you to all of you :)

A New Beginning :)

2011-01-01T21:29:00.000-08:00

2010 just ended. And sure I have lots of fun. I had a great time with my friends, family and relatives. I had accomplished a lot for my studies. I discovered myself a little more and let my inner self grew. Im really hoping that 2011 will be friendlier.

I have lots of things to discover. Some may surprised me and some are already planned. This 2011, I can finally see the real path of my University Years. After waiting for 2 years, I can now decide if I can continue my course or to finally shift to something I want. Im loving my course now, but sometimes there are things in life that we cant hold on and foretell its future.

Im looking forward to maturity this year. Not because the year is arbitrary to my 18th year on Earth. Its just since Im getting older, I wanna decide something for myself - something that is not influence by my friends or family. I wanna be responsible for my own decisions. I think 17 years is now enough for being dependent to others.

But first of all, I just wanna thank all the people who became a part of my 2010. Thank you very much for your understanding and love. Im sure that our memories together will be treasured forever. I also wanna say sorry to those people that I hurt. Im sorry for the harsh words that I said. Im sorry for the things I did and for those that I cant do.

And lastly, I wont make any New Year's Resolutions :)) Its kinda ridiculous for me to make one that Im sure I cant accomplish. So may we all live a Happy 2011. God Bless Us all :)

P.S I got a new banner for the new year. It is composed of photos that are full of memories :)

Christmas 2010!

2010-12-26T20:21:00.000-08:00

Christmas is always a big celebration for us. First because its Jesus' Day and second is that we have a chance to be complete and reunite with each other. Actually this 2010, I thought our Christmas will be a boring one cause some of my cousins cant make it to Pangasinan due to their work. I thought it should be a little special cause our Tita Dodie got home from Hong Kong.

But as what I always say, something good happens when you least expect it. And boom! It did. We went to the terminal at exactly 5:30 so that we can arrive by atleast 10 am. But as always, traffic made our trip effing. When we went to Bayan, we accidentally bumped into my cousins who also just arrived hahaha! We went to barrio together in one van plus lots of pasalubong. Super siksik =))

When we arrived there, its kinda quiet. Maybe because my relatives are having lunch or afternoon naps. Then we all prepared our lunch and loots for our very own Christmas Party. My cousins made something special for this year cause we always end up having a unfulfilled day.

December 24, 2010
Friday

4pm

We decided to swim near the bridge again but my Tita Dodie insisted to accompany her first to her friend to get her baggage. So we just swam at around 5 pm. We also hunt for videoke but it turned out that all of them are already gone for the holiday.

8pm
We are all stucked in front of the television. The elders are cooking while all of us are eating our boredom as we watch Noah, Mara Clara and Imortal. We should atleast stay until Perfect Match but here comes the real deal :))

10pm
Our Party just started! Ohhhhh... happiest moment ever. Even our Lola woke up just to celebrate with us despite the cold weather. We played lots of games, mostly the games that we used to play when we were still young. And now we are passing it to the youngsters =)) How nostalgic.... How calm...

December 25, 2010
Saturday

We woke up at 9am :)) We intentionally slept at the oldest house cause the elders are saying that they wont fit in if we, the young ones are sleeping with them. So we took the liberty to sleep anywhere :)) Then we decided to swim again but this decision lead us to somewhere. One of my Tita told us that we should not go without any adult's consent cause 2 weeks ago someone drowned in the river. We all knew that it happened due to lack of skills and caution. So we just convinced our two cousins to come with us.

We were having a great time playing. Then we had a train-like game in which we were all lined up and will walk in the water. I knew that almost all of my cousins know how to swim but my cousin Liezel and I dont. But my cousin, Liezel told us that she can so I braced myself up in the middle of my cousin Mariel and Liezel. We were so happy when my cousin Mariel slide down then I followed then the scenario goes on. Mariel pulled me up but Liezel is pulling me down. When I was down, I saw Liezel trying to swim up and she's holding me down. I heard someone said, "Buhbye." Then it goes. My cousins pulled us up. Little did I know, we are already saved. Thank God! We are still alive. If not, then this could be my last holiday.

Pinoy Henyo :))

Waiting....

Partially Complete :)

Sunset Walk! :)

CHOOOT! CHOOOT! :))
A photo taken before the drowning incident ;)

This is Cute :>

At Tita Tess' House

Random Feelings. Odd Things.

2010-12-18T07:18:00.000-08:00

Time Checked: 11:36 pm. Cozy Night. I can hear Moon River in my mind. I can imagine Susie Salmon from The Lovely Bones. I can clearly remember this day. Feeling sad and deteriorated.

Unlike the other days, I felt the hunger to post something on my blog- not because I owe it some big news but because I needed someone to listen to me. Luckily, my blog is just a thing that wont talk. Finally, I can feel the serene of not being alone. Im just typing my thoughts and the world is in its hush.

Painful memories keep on flashing. I wish I could go back in time to reset everything. I wish I can repeat all the good times, explain myself when people misunderstood me, forgive a silly joke, slap those people who introduced me the word beyond hurt, warn someone about something, spend my life with someone that I miss, fight for what I want, decide for myself, realize my dream, go back to the days when nothing really matters and feel free.

I can actually feel that there is something wrong. I can feel that I didn't lessen the gap of communication between me and the important people in my life. I feel like Im being left out and forgotten. And Im aware that its easier to just shut up than feel the dead air in between. I tried to reach out. I tried very hard not too look dumb. I tried very hard to be the best. I tried to win your side. But still, Im just me- not bad but not special.

...Excerpts...

'04-5th-CRV

-She's having a fun time while occupying the vacant nest of the flown away bird. She's sharing it with her used-to-be-bestfriend. Someone shouted. The cat got mad and told the birds to go back to their own property. She told something to her friend and then smiled. The cat told her that she's annoying and boastful and like.

'05-6th-CRV

-The cockroach and the bee are talking. She misses it. She then called her teammate. Destiny has its name- its the same as the bee. The cockroach got angry for she thought that she's interfering on their conversation.

-She did all the work and at the end of the day she became an antagonist and the accessory of the song.

- She quietly draw the rainbow on the sky then suddenly the mad cow mistakenly shout her name instead of the crow for being noisy.

'05-6th-LBR

-She was then dealing with numbers when the hunters make a big fuss about the lock without a key. The big fat bear stand up and excuse herself just to roar at her.

'05-FY-CVR

-She's having a painful life in the forest then somebody stab her the rock which then rub with salt then voila- dead meat at the end!

'09-SY-CVR

-Curious faces across the room. She knew that people wanna ask the real thing but they rely on the moron's story and feelings. Everything is revealed and manifested by the scavengers who never knew that they wore a plus on their toes.

'10-SPY-CVR

-She tried to be a genius but she discovered that she knew nothing- and nothing interest her on that box.

~You then thought that your feelings are true and enough but not anymore. For this day, you will meet the people who will try to threaten your feelings and snatch your soul from behind. All the things that are lost in the dark road will never be brought back the way it used to be cause that's already written in your forehead. Be a moron and forget this place. Soon you will find the serenity.~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Im starting to feel good now. Sometimes my randomness can be a good friend after all. Im not a good writer but believe me or not, every word has its own meaning in this blog post. Something you can relate and something that you cannot decipher in an easy way. I wish you all a happy life :)

FOOL

2010-12-12T05:09:00.000-08:00

There are things in my life that I already embraced and afraid to throw up. These are the things that I thought that would matter even if I die. But now, I decided to throw them and bottle up my old feelings. Not because I am a victim of a cruel fate, but because I need to move on to finally see my real life without clinging to someone that can fulfill my presence and satisfy my happiness.

It all started five years ago. I am a 12 year old girl on my freshman year in high school. Unlike others, I never open myself up with some little talk about love and crushes. I never suspected that the thing that I tried very hard to avoid will enter and twist my story. It is the first time that I saw someone that I never ever thought that would hook my heart up. A boy that I saw on the television. I instantly became a fan- a super fan. I underestimated my feelings. I thought it will fade soon enough before I know. But days became months, and months became years. I let myself drown with the things that are related to him. I let myself smile and cry with the thoughts of him. I actually believed that everything is possible. I idealized him just to be happy on my own fantasy. He's the boy that ran through my every blog posts, through my every status, through my own trademark.

My happiness even burst up when the things that I cant even imagine happened. It was marked on my calendar. At that very year, I felt good. I saw him for the first time. Heard his voice, held his hand, saw his smile and ohhhhh its heaven. I'm finally on my cloud nine. I claimed that he's mine. And then I thought I'm finally normal. That finally I can feel things that I keep on pushing years ago. In exchange of what I'm feeling, I find myself dwelling on the girls that screaming his name, people who are trying to be close to him and even people who were his friends. I became envious and hateful. I find myself unappreciated, betrayed and even more deeply hurt by a boy who doesn't even know that I am existing.

And then I started to ask myself what my feelings are. Am I just overwhelmed, happy or possessive? I never became sure. Cause ever since the beginning, I don't even know what I am going though. But if this is what we called love, then certainly I'm on the point of falling out of love. I destroy all the physical reminders to cut all the emotional ties. I divert all my attention to the people that are worth my eyes. To my friends who knows everything about me and tolerate all the things that made me happy. And to tell you honestly, its not easy to fall out love. Its not easy to move on and not to think about the person that you never had. Imagination works better than reality. And its hard to delete permanently. But its easier if you think yourself for a while. After all, that's my priority before he arrived. I did all the things that I want and afraid to do cause he might not like it. But I did. Life is too short to spend it pining for someone who doesn't see how great you are. There are those out there who will.

But now I understand. Though I never claimed to be normal, all the things that Im going through is normal. Feelings may never fade completely. I know. He will always have a soft spot in me but I will never let my heart fall back again. Bottle up old love. Goodbye :)

~FOOL~

The Best Part Before Holiday :)

2010-12-08T06:06:00.000-08:00

This semester is actually more enjoyable than the last semester though Im preoccupied with lots of school works. I actually have the time to go around Manila and enjoy the few more weeks of 2010 with my friends.

November 30, 2010
Tuesday
Star City; Love Radio Station

A planned getaway right after Spanish Class. Though the original plan is not completely turned a reality, well atleast we had this thing in between November and December- which by all means that Star City will not be overpopulated :)

And Im proud to say that I already overcome my fear of rides =)) I had 2 rides in Star Flyer, 3 rides in Cyclone Loop, 3 times in Surf Dance and one enjoyable pass per ride! :) Hya's 18th Birthday
December 3, 2010
Sta. Mesa Manila

And finally, one of my favorite seatmate and friend, Hyacinth turned 18! One by one we starting to reach the legal age. And before we know, we are already old enough to get married :P Just a simple surprise celebration.

Its kinda hard to keep a secret like this especially if we are already involved into something like this. Well, everything is pretty fine and I hope Hya had a great time with us cause we really did :)

TGIS & Millie G. Adventure 101!
Kim n' Chi, Robinson's Ermita
December 7, 2010

We tried our best to taste almost all the Korean Foods that were available in the Philippines. Every dish is love except kimchi. I cant explain the taste (spicy slash spoiled slash im-feeling-sick). But it's delicious with bibimbap :)

We almost spent 1 hour + eating then we roamed around after. This is the best day to feel free :)

Are You Ready For T-ARA's Comeback? :)

2010-11-21T09:03:00.000-08:00

After almost 7 months of waiting, finally T-Ara will be back again :) I wonder what did they store for their fans (like me hihi).

I actually find their theme unusual and they look great in their cover photos. Hmmm, I cant wait!!!!!!!! 0_0 :">:D

Their comeback album will be released on the 29th, and the first comeback performance will be on December 3rd through ‘Music Bank‘, so stay tuned for more updates!

Credits to: www.allkpop.com AND http://www.tiaradiadem.com

New Addiction! :)

2010-11-02T05:27:00.000-07:00

Just a few updates before the school kicks on the 4th! I've been addicted to lots of songs today. Maybe this is the result of being a lazy child at home. After spending time with my DVD's, I've been also busy digging the site of youtube :))

Firework by Katy Perry
"Cause baby you're a firework,Come on show 'em what your worth"

Do As You Please by Secret
"We just say more words and promises we dont keep"

I Want You Back by Secret
"I know that you’re also pretending to be okay, I see that it’s hard for you too, your big lie

Cant Believe It by Younha
"I may be a little hasty, but you’re the only one who can tell me what to do~"

Semestral Break :)

2010-10-27T06:28:00.000-07:00

Finally, its the start of Semestral Break! I've been living my last whole week praying for it to come faster. No more heavy thoughts about school cause I will be having my two weeks vacation. Now, I am left with my DVDs and internet. Oh this is my real life before I met school :))

I had a very tough life at the university this semester. I met the horror brought by the terror teachers, I deal with my patience and own skills, I saw my self cry and took the idea of failing. Though I tried to be optimistic, things are curling up the way across my plans. I dont know where to cling just to end all the hurt and rejections that I got. Im bound to lose my friends and even myself.

But all the things that happened are part of my growth- not just as a student but a person who has a vision in life. Things are destined to happen according to plan and its up to you how will you accept the results. Maybe things didn't go the way I think and plan them but God had better things in mind.

I learned that God will provide us everything that we need though we feel that we don't deserve it. When we feel that our flaws will eat us, He will come to remind us that he created us with strength and purpose. When we feel that we are alone, He will sit beside us and will let us remember that He will be with us no matter what. And when we feel like giving up and its the end of ours, He will embrace us to feel His warmth and love. And I do feel Him through my ups and downs. We feel Him in our every breath.

I thank God for that. I thank Him for my God- given skills and I promised not to doubt Him. My grades are beyond okay and super unexpected :) The best things always come when you least expect it. And now Im a living example of this :)

Btw, I would like to share the song that motivates me the whole semester. Its the song that reminds me of God's plan and undying love. It is the song that was sang by one of my favorite amazing singer, Corrinne May. Enjoy and may you all be enlighten :)

October Great Happenings!

2010-10-19T00:04:00.000-07:00

October 2, 2010

Andi's 18th Birthday
Sta. Mesa ; Legarda

The Ate of the group is now legal! :)) Happy Birthday Andi! This day is such an unexpected celebration. Besides from the idea of final exam the next day, we had a misunderstanding the last time so I even thought that its really impossible for a "happy" birthday. But God has a better plan. The Volturi and Sisters' Company's surprise didn't all go to waste. When she hugged and say sorry to all of us, my bitterness from head to toe just melt down haha! Well, I guess that's friendship :)

October 5, 2010
First Movie Date
SM Centerpoint

Volturi and Sisters' Company First Movie Date! Oh yeeahhh! Our most awaited date ever :) We planned it long time ago, we just let the finals finished. Dayuuummm! I had a lot of fun, its just our photos suck because we are all in uniform. I tried to dashed up myself by wearing heels but I guess it does not worked this time haha.

October 10, 2010
Run for Ilog Pasig
SM Mall of Asia

We were not really into this tiring event- OUR UNIVERSITY DOES! Oh well, the good things about it is that I spent my weekends with my friends at our house. We watched DVDs, we ate a lot, we shouted for Princess Hours and we had lot of stories. Two days is not really enough.

When we arrived at Mall of Asia at a very early hour, we felt hassle times. Darn! The organization of the event is not good and we all felt tired and the bracelets- Oh God!

October 15, 2010
Last Day of Classes; Movie Date (again!)
SM Manila

Its the last day of classes and I only had a Bio Class (Finals). We all out right after the examination. Its almost 3 pm and we are rushing to catch the 4:30 premiere of the movie. We all went broke and I only have few photos. But then, the fun is never enough when we are with each other. This semester is Epic!

Just a Short Snap of Reality :)

2010-10-05T21:56:00.000-07:00

Forget about all reasons why something may not work. You only need to find one good reason why it will.

Oh God! Lord, Thank you :) I know you were just around the corner giving us the blessing, love and support while we were taking the test.

I do believe that miracles really do happen when you least expect it. Its not just about the belief anymore, its all about faith that let us soar up above.

Go BSA 2-11! I'm so proud to be your part :)

Understanding the Facts of Friendship

2010-10-01T19:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, me and my friends had some misunderstandings again. I don't wanna talk about the reasons anymore for I only feel tired. All I know is that even though I am not totally involved in the said misunderstanding, I am still a part of this situation. My friends knew what my stands are. They knew what would I say if they ask me my opinion. But I don't take either of their side. I'm just explaining my thoughts and nothing more than that.

Oh Lord! I really dont know what to do. We are always stuck in the middle as if we should take all the blame. As if its all our fault. As if we are bound to be her merciless enemy. I just can't get the logic, the fact, the reason.

Let me get this straight. All I know is that I have all the understanding that I can give to my friends. I know them well enough to understand their feelings. But feelings are not always the fact. Sometimes we need to forget our feelings just to find our true self that can internalize everything. It is difficult to discover the truth of matter through feelings. A friend who possesses a great "suyo factor" can turn and twist our feelings and can finally hide his/her fault.

I'm bound to lose my patience. I know I should be more understanding, oh I should be. But please, I am only a human. I have a limitations. Its not that all the time I can understand you. Please don't get mad if we are not on your side. We are not doing this to hurt you. We are doing this because we love you- we want you learn that we will not give you up no matter what. Please dont take take this as a twisted idea. Please.

F...Fr...Fri...Frie...Frien...Friend...Friends... No matter what you do or say, we will always be friends :)

Tick Tock and I'm counting for my life :)

2010-09-27T02:52:00.000-07:00

Three more weeks to go then I'll be screaming for happy hours! These were the times when I cant feel any piece of myself anymore. Im anxious, nervous and toxicated.I dont have any idea on my life as of now. That's why I dont want to post any blog entry for I know that I'll just find a way to make myself look okay. Its just so hard to pull myself up and sugar coat all the bitterness and sadness that I felt. The idea of leaving and being left out of the blue is quite frustrating. I've been busy doing my best not to fall apart but college life is demanding my whole.I've been longing for life's sweetness. Oh Lord! Why is that its always a pain in the ass to wake up every morning? I should be thankful and like but I always feel random. I was sick for almost 5 days. I seriously pray to God that I shouldn't get better and die.

God has a plan for each and everyone of us. I know I shouldn't question God's will. Whether I like it or not, God will make a way to fulfill his dreams for me. There are some situations in life when I feel that I am not made for this but suddenly it is really what is meant for me. God always take detours because there is another plan - the hidden plan that we always push aside because we are too afraid of changes that may occur in our life.

As a human, God given problems are hard. I am always being torn to different choices. Since the beginning, I am really open to problems regarding my studies. But now, its not just about uno or singko anymore, its now all about attachment, the friendship that we built and the idea of losing important people who became a part of your little achievements and sadness in life. I cant hide my loneliness now because our friendship might fail because of our grades. I'm afraid that this semester will just bring broken wings and torn pages in our lives.

I'm really hoping that we can finish this semester in a quick and happy way. In that idea, I may find myself again and build a new confidence for my next battle. See you soon my strong soul. I miss you by the way :(

Today is What Day

2010-09-21T07:32:00.000-07:00

Today is Tuesday. Today is my Mom's Birthday. Today is my check up and CBC day. Today is one of my most dying and precious day.

I had a 39 degree fever yesterday so my mom planned to have a CBC to check on my platelets. Because I'm always at school every morning, I need to calm myself for a long time before I can feel the needle. I really hate injection, needles and like. I feel like some morticians are just around the corner ready to poke me with their big needles and formalin.

I feel like I'm a baggage today. Today is my Super Momma's 50th birthday but she still accompanied me in Pedro Gil. I can imagine her being at home and enjoying the rest of her day with her friends and later on with us. But I suddenly ruined the plan.

Oh well, happy 50th birthday to my super funny, loving, caring Mother who supports me by all means. I wish you all the best Nanay and may we continue living happily together with Tatay and Glazelle :)

My Recent September Scars

2010-09-19T06:55:00.000-07:00

I've been sick for these past 3 days. I missed school last Thursday and Friday. And I also missed Joan's debut party. Oh, I really hate being sick. At first, I thought I have dengue but when my mom got the results of the tests, I got a positive mark on UTI and no dengue at all. Thank God :)

Oh well, I tried my best not to get sick or to recover faster. Its just so hard staying at home when all I can think is that I'm missing a lot of activities and fun. My back is super painful and there is always a time when I feel okay then suddenly I'll feel cold again. And this is so awful. It ruined all my plans. I cant even remember the last time when I got sick- as in super sick.

I am just really hoping that I can go to school tomorrow. I super bored here inside the house. The good news is that,I got a new godson and I made a short blog draft using my free time :)

Hola Depression!

2010-08-21T00:00:00.000-07:00

Midterms are already over. Thank God, I'm still alive! Now I'm stuck with the idea of having a failure grade. I can't express how disappointed I am to myself. Its like a nightmare. There's no easy way to go- I knew that and I swear to God its in my mind all the time. Its just sometimes in my life, not everything will work out for me- no matter what will I do. Its really not meant to be.

I never knew that College will be hard for me. I never knew that my course will be a death plan. I never knew that I will make my parents sad and worried. I never knew that I will trade my happiness for something bigger than my life. I never knew that my life will change so easily.

My college life began ambitiously by taking Accountancy as my course. My parents rejected my chosen course earlier than I thought. I try to curse everything. But after some time, I became motivated because of my friends. We are sharing the same dilemma after all. I am trying to make my parents proud and happy but it seems like they are more disappointed now :(

Last Thursday, me and my friends cried our hearts out. The reason is normal. We are tired. We are depressed. We are already small for the world. We are too afraid for the future. At the back of my mind, I knew that this is normal. But people cant understand that and I know they never will. To hear complaints with patience, even when complaints are vain, is one of the duties of friendships.

Growing up is too hard. Now I know why grown-ups are starting to make fuss about their lives. I hope I can recover soon. There's no time for me to be sad. Hurt and rejection is part of life. How can I motivate myself? How can I pull my friends up? How long can I keep my faith? I don't know. I'm clueless.

:(

I could really use a wish right now, wish right now :(

2010-07-21T01:35:00.000-07:00

Its early in the morning and I already published some of my blog drafts. I'm hoping that I can't encounter some technical problems while publishing the remaining ones. I'm still sleepy and I just remember I cry for hours before sleeping last night.

One of the worst feeling I ever had in my entire life is being hate with lame excuses. I know that individual differences do exist but I'm also aware that I, being an individual have some opinions or views in life that may not jive with others. And I don't think I should be hate and hurt because of that. That's how I view a certain thing, person or even situation and ofcourse, its just one-sided. And I'm not saying that I am the one who is right when I tried to deliver my opinion. You ask me and I answer- that's it. I can accept if we argue on a certain topic with no hard feelings but being left out and being a villain at the end of the day is beyond hurtful.

I don't want to drop names cause I think this thing goes for everyone. We can't always control ourselves to hear what we only want to hear. Its not easy to give an opinion and its not easy to listen to them especially if it you don't agree with it- but it shouldn't be consider as worthless, fatal or an enemy.

And the second thing is, I never force someone to go out with me if they don't want to - maybe persuade. If you don't wanna go with me then that's okay. I'm not the kind of person that will look for trouble because someone refuses my offer. What the hell? I wont waste my time arguing with that lame situations. And I just cant get it, it so shallow.

Of all the people I know, I think my friends understand me more. But I'm having some second thoughts. Should I know better? When I'm thinking about little fights and misunderstanding, I think its healthy for friendship. I think people will be closer to each other by understanding each others heart. But it will be useless if only one person will work. Being involved in a friendship is an adjustment not for a certain person- its an adjustment for everyone. We may be similar with some aspects but we are completely different.

Oh, I cant help it. My agony is bursting. I don't want to make this situation a big deal. That's why I hate attachments. This thing makes me unfair and like. But I know, no matter how this story end, I wont give up a friend because of a lame cause. This is the first time so I think its should be considered and forgiven. I don't know how long it will take for me to feel okay but I know it shouldn't take a long time to forgive a person and explain your side to them. I don't wanna deepen the crack just to make it a wound that will lasts forever. A sincere sorry is enough.

Can we pretend that airplanes in night sky like shooting stars?

2010-07-20T01:28:00.000-07:00

Although I have a tough job today, I'm still thankful that Papa God still show his protection to me a while ago.

I'm walking on the overpass and I'm about to take the downward stairs when I heard a sound of zipper being open. When I turned around, I saw a woman wearing a big jacket behind me. She looked at me and she said, "Sorry, natabig lang." Then she smiled and walked faster, leaving me behind. Im kinda puzzled so I checked my bag. To my surprise, the small pocket is already opened and I cant find my coin purse. I'm nervous and startled. When I started to think, I looked at the woman and then I saw my red coin purse dangling in her jacket. I'm about to leave it behind but the thing is- THE HOUSE KEY IS INSIDE THE COIN PURSE. So without any hesitation, I asked the woman to give the house key to me.

ME: Miss, excuse me po. Yung coin purse ko po (pointing at her jacket)
WOMAN: Ano? Wala sa akin.
ME: Miss, kahit yung susi lang po. Sa inyo na po yung pera kung gusto niyo.
WOMAN: (she gave the coin purse) Eto na, wag ka na lang maingay. (Then I ran cause I'm afraid that she's with some goons)

THANK YOU PAPA GOD! I feel so loved by Him. I think its his way to bring me back to my senses cause I'm not focusing on the present things :)

College Week!

2010-07-19T00:30:00.000-07:00

How much fun did I get? If you're following me at Twitter, you might get annoyed on how I stabbed the keys by saying "Please come faster College Week!", " Fast Forward To College Week", "I'm excited for College Week", or simply "College Week." I hope these messages were not included in your two weeks dilemma. Sorry about that :D

And finally, I'm under the hypnotism of 18th Accountancy Week- its my year 2 by the way :) Today is a fairytale. But some things suck big time time!

1) Call Time- All the Accounting Students should be at the Oval at exactly 7 pm. I arrived earlier and the parade started at 9:00 am. My Goodness! Filipino Time Again :|

2) Heat of the Sun- This is not new, right? But hey, we shouldn't end up with this if we follow the schedule. Too many VIPs.

3) The Costumes- This thing made all of our heads hurt. The baduy costume of "The Incredibles." There's a lot of cartoons and animes in the universe, so why did our Team Leader came up with this loser thing? The concept is new but take into consideration the people who wore this funny and humiliating costume. :|

Oh well, though I had these boooos, I'm still happy that I got a chance to have fun with my friends. After the parade, we went to SM Centerpoint to watch CINCO. They mad me so happy by simply watching the movie with m although they are also afraid. Sam made me proud again when I see his funny acting skills improved and also his body HAHAHAHA!

Official Opening of 18th Accountancy Week. Umbrellas covered the balloons :D
The bright sky with rainbow colors of balloons.Our balloons with some wishes and love notes hahaha :PTEAM INCREDIBLES!At the hypermarket to buy some foods :)
Vanity Fair :))Inside the Cinema! :POne of the few survivors of the deleted photos when we were inside the cinema :|
After 4 hours at the cinema :)) Loads of fun :)

It feels more like JULY!

2010-07-17T23:04:00.000-07:00

July 6, 2010
9:00 am - 10:30 am
Reporting in IT

Don't we look awesome here? HAHA! My mom told me that we look formal here and I even forgot that I have little insanity hidden. We had our report in IT class and we are required to be in a corporate attire. Summer meltdown with our blazers on and high waisted skirts. The fashion show! :)) Everything is okay but look at the second picture. Epic, right? HAHA! :P

July 8, 2010
Tests in ACCO, Finance & Tech. Writing
7:30 am - 1:30 pm (HELP)

I'm not in the mood to study the night before my exams. I feel so deprived of sleep. I worked on some exercises for my Accounting and then scan my notes in Finance and Technical Writing but I think its not well enough for me to answer all the questions in atleast accurate way.

My two examinations were cancelled due to brownout and xerox paper jam. Eeeer, whatever atleast I took only one examination. And I'm kinda sure that it will be a failure. I tried my best to answer the unrealistic problems but its really hard. Sabaw :(

July 10, 2010
Happy Birthday Casey!
Happy Birthday Kuya Mike!
Family Love! Happy birthday to my first niece, Casey Anne. Now I feel that I'm too old cause you're already 11 years old. Oh God, this is unbelievable in my part. My first niece will be a teenager soon enough before I know. Happy Birthday also to my cousin slash Kuya Michael. HAHA!

July 12, 2010
Tests in Finance and Tech. Writing (The Comeback)
9:00 am - 1:30 pm

As usual, I just scan my notes cause I'm really sleepy and I came from a slack off moment. I'm still not in the mood to study and I just try my luck by memorizing some of the important parts. The papers were checked after we took the exam. I got 100 in Finance and 47 out of 65 in Technical Writing. Hmmmm, not bad at all :)
July 13-14 2010 Test in ECON and Overnight at Nikki's House Tuesday Morning till Wednesday Night

Oh, not you again! Examination burden again in Economics. The test is hard- objective and subjective, name it! We also need to rehearse our dance recital for our PE Class with the not so cute dance steps from our social dance. Gee, how long will I look baduy in my entire college life?

After class, we went to Pasig for our dance practice then we had an overnight at Nikki's house. I didn't sleep, I can't sleep probably. I won't tell you why. But that will remain in me forever. Wednesday is shit! No classes due to typhoon. We also had this thought last night because the wind is blowing hard with clashes of roofs as if trying to make an effect. And surprise, flood again! I spent my afternoon at Andi's dorm while doing our Accounting stuffs while Detdet is sleeping like a panda. Joke! :)) My mom also told me that I'm always out when there is a typhoon, remember Ondoy? Haha! Serendipity :)
July 17, 2010 Happy Birthday Andrei! Proud Tita/Ninang again :)

My baby Andrei! I'm just so proud that I'm not old enough to see this little angel growing up. My nephews and nieces are as precious and cute as ever. I hope they can grow freely and happy. Happy birthday Andrei :)

Just like Butterfly Wishes

2010-06-25T20:08:00.000-07:00

First week of school is already over and I'm having a nervous breakdown because of my studies. My professors are good at teaching but they are monster like creatures. I can imagine them roaring while spitting some fire from their mouth. Ohhhhh freaky! :(

I feel like I'm watching a horror film everyday. Even my PE Class that I'm taking as a solo class every Wednesday is terrifying- so odd. I'm starting to feel that sophomore year will be crucial. I'm just feeling good today because I have a lot of time with my friends when we are studying together or simply having some short talks.

Oh well, even though I'm having lots of terrifying moments, I'm quite excited for my uniform. Finally a new uniform. Last time that I wore a uniform is at my high school graduation- a year ago. For me this uniform symbolizes my freshman year hard works and hopefully until senior year.

I can feel lots of pressure now. I'm gonna be busy again. I'm hoping that our college week will come faster. I know it will be a blast!

Need a break from school! Summer love me like you used to ♥

Goodbye Summer 2010!

2010-06-14T19:35:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow will be a new story, a new chapter and a new life indeed. I'm lucky enough that I'm still taking up Accountancy and still a regular student, though I once had second thoughts about continuing this course. I'm kinda sad that I will not be able to see my original classmates anymore- the people that I grew up with innocence in my freshman life. I will not be able to see some of my friends regularly for I knew that my schedule will surely fry me up.

I'm hoping that my sophomore year will be friendly. I know that I should take this academic year seriously. Another adventure will surely come my way. I'll be able to see myself cry because of stress and laugh because of random funny moments. I'm hoping that I'll be able to fulfill my promise to my parents. Last year is a mess but fun though. I had a lot of first times when I entered the University and I learned a lot from my experiences.

Even though that I'm only stepping up on the second ladder, I can say that College life touched my life in some way.

a) Patience is a virtue- very true. I learned that I should not rush things up. Everything is destined for its time- for its perfect time :)

b) Courage for weakness- I cried so many times during my freshmen year. Maybe because of stress and unappreciated effort. Sometimes we need some courage for us to accept our own weaknesses.

c) Be positive- one of the motivating thought that helped me through this challenge. Its always good to hear positive thoughts when you're down with so much trouble.

d) Trust yourself and GOD- I learned that everything is up to God. We should do our best and trust in our capabilities and to GOD. At the end of the day, God will still provide us something that we deserve, something that will make my life worthy and big enough for us :)

Goodbye Summer 2010, Hello Sophomore Year!

Deny Me All your Kisses

2010-06-02T03:27:00.000-07:00

June 1, 2010
Accident is around the corner

There you go. I'm such a clueless being until now. Yesterday, I'm trying to cook something edible for my sister but it turned out something spicy- spicier than Jjampong :( I'm super disappointed. After I washed my mug, I was about to hang it then it slipped. It fell on our sink but the crashed pieces jumped into my arm then that's it. I ended up crying like a cow while my sister is panicking and my mom is planning to go to the hospital :(

June 2, 2010
Happy Birthday Lolo!

Lolo with me and my sister (we look like gays haha)

Happy Birthday Lolo! I hope you're having fun in your heaven now. Thank you for making my youth a happy one. Thank you for showing up whenever we are sick (I am still afraid but I still love you). Thank you for being my first audience when I learn to sing and dance hahaha! I know that you are watching all of us. Please stay with us until the end. We miss you so much. I'll be seeing you soon so please be patient if ever you're waiting for too long. Sorry Lolo if we forgot you sometimes. You will always be in our hearts forever and beyond :)

Lolo's Death Anniversary

2010-05-31T02:27:00.000-07:00

We went to Pangasinan for my Lolo's 8th death Anniversary. Now I'm a pure believer of time flies so fast- not in tick tock but in its own rate. Its been 8 years already. A lot of changes happened not only in the place but also within our clan.

I am now stuck in the good old times. The funny and awful memory as a child. Being in a big family, I mean having 7 pairs of Titos and Titas and 30 plus cousins is really a big happening. We used to play all day long, swim together, copy the teleseryes, make fun of ourselves and each other crushes, sing and dance and we even had our very own beauty contest for the gullible children (P.S we are the gullible way way back). No matter how old you are, you will be included in every game. I can still remember when I am always looking forward to another day when we are about to sleep.

But everything will turn into dust as time goes by. Some of my cousins already finished university. Some already have their own jobs and some have their own family now. My Lola cant remember all her grandchildren now.And look at me, I am now 17 years old.

Oh well, back to the main story :) I think this is the happiest celebration of Lolo's Death Anniversary. We are partially complete. As usual, everything happened according to our tradition. We had padasal and then everyone ate. We offered some food on the altar cause we barely visit our Lolo in cemetery (I actually been there twice). After that, the grown ups went for their inuman and kwentuhan and the kids like us went to the river to swim. I felt the flash back but not with the same people anymore. I'm with my own batch of cousins and the kids are all my nephews and nieces.

The last day was spent in the farm and Daya. Just like the old times. We rode a bike. We ran after each other. We played basketball and we sang. I slept with all my wishes.

Hello Lolo! I hope you are happy wherever you are now. I know you are happy to see us achieving everything we have now. After all these years, I just want you to know that We miss You So Much :)

My Momma Said Yessss! :)

2010-05-23T23:16:00.000-07:00

The long wait is over. Its the start of Summer Vacation for me. I can finally rest and do everything that I want. Let the good times roll! Oh well, I'm currently sitting here with a more darker complexion and wider smile cause for the first time in my life, my parents agreed to my "Overnight Plan" though its in our house hahaha ;) They let me spend my first day of summer with my friends- swimming, having fun, food trip, long walk and cute photos. Oh how I love thee!

May 20, 2010
Thursday
Around 2 pm
Summer Plans!

Det, Nikki, Andi and I are talking about our summer plans (of course we're secretly dying cause we are reviewing our notes in Philosophy). We considered karaoke and swimming. Karaoke is okay. Swimming is impossible cause its kinda rush and its so hard to get permitted. But after sometime, we all went for swimming! We texted Kate right away (we had a misunderstanding that week so its hard to mend everything). I told them that nothing is certain cause I'm afraid that my Mother wont permit us for an overnight plan. But then, I will try.

I went home at 6:00 pm and my mother texted for about 3 times already. I'm loosing my hope that she will permit us. I arrived at 7:30 pm and she's there, waiting for me but not mad. I told my sister about our plan and she's the one who's excited and she told it to my mother. I asked my mom if its okay if ever we will have an overnight in our house and she was like, "Sige, bahala ka. Ano bang oras dating niyo?" Oh yeeeeaaaah!

I texted my friends that my mom finally agreed to our plan. They gave all their confirmation that night including Kate's parents. Oh soooo happy :D

May 21, 2010
Friday
7 am
Finals in Philosophy
Swimming
HELP!

We all went to school early with big bags HAHAHA! :) At first, I am not too nervous with Philo cause I computed my grades and it goes for 3.0 even if given any chance that I will get 5.0 in my last test. Hello! to have 3.0 in a difficult summer subject is beyond acceptable hihi :P What's scary is when I saw Galorpo's face and his written exam in the blackboard. All hell might break loose if I'll stay for 4 hours. For goodness sake, it took me 3 hours to finished the test, I guess. After the test we went home right away but we passed through the grocery first to buy some stuffs.

When we arrived, lunch was already okay so we all ate at the dining. While eating, some issues were open up. Insecurity reigns again. Oh fuuuuuu! The insecure ogre is alive again. Well, after eating we went for some swimming clothes then we went to the place.

When we arrived at the TOQ's entrance, the soldiers told us that the pool is reserved for that day. We can try Army's or Navy's. Either way, its a long trip ahead. We walked around the overpass under the heat of the sun, the yuckie feeling of sweat and most of all over-indulged excitement. When we arrived at the Navy, its closed. Oh my pressure cooker! I'm super tired. So we tried, Army and finally! The water is clear. We can only see few people. Everything is so inviting. We changed our clothes then we finally dived. HELLO SUMMER!!!

We played water games. We ate a lot of food. We took a lot of photos. We also took videos to feel the moment. We went home at 6 pm with a lot of hassle. The jeepneys are becoming turtles. Its getting late. The parents are panicking as if we are in kindergarten. Oh well, everything went well actually.

Andi and Kate went home together while Nikki and Det stayed for overnight. Before the two of them went home yesterday, we watched KBS Channel the whole day hahaha!I had so much fun. and I know they also did. All the tears and frustrations became happiness. Everything paid off finally. A fun start of my Summer Vacation! See you soon friends :)

taking a break after one hour of swimming :)
Such a cute photo :)
We are about to dive :)
Oh yeeeeeaaaahhhh!
Finally, A picture with our darker complexion hahaha!

Reminiscing My Root

2010-05-14T01:46:00.000-07:00

So days ago, my groupmates and I are busy with our History Tour. We need to go to different heritage spots to portray the life of Doctor Jose Rizal. Well, it is so cool to visit and bum around the South. If you're going to ask me, there is only one thing that I can assure you, this is much more like of a field trip.

We went to Fort Santiago where we experienced a 50php entrance fee for going around the walled city. Now I know why not all Filipinos are having fun when visiting our very own places. Its because even legacies are business as usual *sigh*. But the funny side of this is that we will always be wanted in this place for we broke the caution sign and we let the stones fell down the hill like thing. The manongs working there saw the whole thing so we run as fast as we could.

Next stop is Paco Park. We spend almost all our time here for pictures- pictures with our faces :)) You can never see any trace of Dr. Jose Rizal in our photos at Paco Park. Grasses are Love. Thy are fierced :)

Lights and Sound is okay. We didn't enjoy that much here cause we are super tired so just sat, took some photos and fell down together :))

Rizal's Home in Calamba is beyond infinity. Its really a field trip. Imagine almost 5 hours trip and 2 hours vanity. I love his home. Very close to nature and I had the feeling of probinsyana girl again haha ;)

One more week and blammmm! :)

2010-05-12T03:20:00.000-07:00

One more week to go and I will be totally hip and free. I cant wait to slap Galorpo if ever I'm gonna pass his freakin subject. My friends and I are not yet sure if we will push through our overnight or we will just go for karaoke blues. I really want to experience some vacation like adventure with them since good karma is coming and Kate will undergo a surgery so she should treasure something before meeting the scalpel hahaha! :)

I may not be able to update my blog so often because I will be busy (but I'm gonna give updates on my twitter). I'll just compile the tweets on my blog drafts so it will be a lot easier for me to publish things up (blogger please be friendly!)

Oh well, I want to share to you some good news/updates I got. My hard work paid off finally. I feel luckier than the luckiest person alive. To accomplish something difficult makes me feel alive again :)

May 10, 2010
First of all, I just want to greet my friend, Stephie Cruz! Happy 18th Birthday to you my ever gorgeous friend. Whatever things you have accomplished or will accomplish in your life will make your parents proud- especially your Mom (May she rest in peace). I love you so much Stephie. I'm looking forward to the next Fashion Designer of New York :)

Please go online! :) I miss you :)

I just want to greet you with this blackmail photos! :)) The filthy youth of Stephie. You're such a cutie then, what happened? :)) Kidding! ;)

May 11, 2010
I can actually die now! Everything paid off finally :) I am just so happy cause my friends and I are incoming sophomores already. Life can really get better. I am so afraid to check on the results. My classmates are really excited and everything. I can't even talk. I'm inside the comfort room when Kate and Det told me that I actually passed. I cant believed it! I hugged Nikki and I'm crying while saying thank you to her. Thank you Papa God! You really love me so much. Patience is really a virtue :)

Happy Mother's Day!

2010-05-09T00:19:00.000-07:00

Dear Nanay,
Happy Mother's Day! Thank you for all the things you have done for me. I may not understand you on some things but I know that you're only doing what you know is right for me. Thank you for cooking my favorite food. Thank you for buying me things that I like. Thank you for tolerating my naughtiness. If I knew as a child what I know now, Mom, I probably wouldn't have made things so hard for you. I would have understood that you were looking out for my best interest. But I never really thought about what that meant till I got older and began to realize how often your time and energy were devoted to me. So now, for all the times I didn't say it before, thank you, Mother. I love you so very much! You're the coolest mom ever :)

Pagpalain Ka Nawa, Pilipinas!

2010-05-08T04:49:00.000-07:00

Nalalapit na ang Eleksyon. Paulit-ulit ko na namang naririnig ang kanya-kanyang kampanya ng mga pulitiko. Kanya-kanyang pauso, kanya-kanyang pakulo. Sana ay hindi mauwi sa wala ang kanilang mga pangako. Sana naman ay huwag lang puro pagpapaasa ang matamo ng mga Pilipinong nagnanais ng pagbabago.

Mahirap pero hindi impossible. Huwag sana mawalan ng pag-asa ang Pilipinas. Maging matalino sa pagboto. Gamitin sa tamang paraan ang karapatan. Hindi na mahalaga kung manalo o matalo ang iyong napupusuang kandidato, ang mahalaga ay ito ay pinag-isipan batay sa makabayang pagmamahal at layunin hindi dahil sa popularidad.

Huwag sanang magkaroon ng malawakang dayaan para sa posisyong pinagdedesisyunan ng bayan. Huwag sana tayong matabunan ng mga trapo at buwaya na tanging hangad lang ay ang pansariling interes. Boboto na naman ba tayo ng isang manlilinlang? Nasa iyo ang sagot. Maaring ikaw ang pumatay sa kanila o sila ang tuluyang kakain sa iyo.

Ako'y isang estudyante pa lamang. Wala pa sa tamang edad para bumoto. Hawak ngayon ng mga kasalukuyang botante ang hinahangad na pagbabago ng lahat. Sa ngayon ay wala pa akong magagawa kung hindi kilatisin maiigi ang mga kandidato, isipin ang mga nagawa ng bawat isa para sa bayan at paniwalaan ang nararamdaman.

Nangangailangan tayo ng lider na walang pinapanigan-mayaman o mahirap man. Isang lider na kayang tuparin ang kanyang mga pangako. Isang lider na kayang maging boses ng mga taong tuluyang napipi ng kahirapan. Isang lider na bayan ang unang iniisip bago ang sarili. Isang lider na hihilom sa lahat ng sugat ng kahapon at magbibigay pag-asa na kayang umahon ng bayang nililiyag. Isang lider na magpapadama ng tunay na pag-asa't pagmamahal sa bayan at sa mga susunod na henerasyon.

Muli, makiisa at bumoto para sa pagbabago. Pagpalain Ka Nawa, Pilipinas. Mabuhay!

I Know What You Did This Summer!

2010-05-06T01:46:00.000-07:00

People say that, to have an annoying suitor is a price to pay for being beautiful =)) But seriously, having suitors who don't even know the word BASTED or GIVING UP can really get into someone's core.

Nagsimula ang lahat ng bigla na lang umappear sa eksena ang isang doggie sa buhay ni Maria Andrea Remedios Parayaoan y Desepeda. Ang lalaking ito ay maaring maihalintulad sa isang nerdy tambay. Matangkad, maitim, kulot, matalino (cum laude) at payat- iyan si doggie. Sabi nila, dapat daw ay hindi husgaan sa panlabas na anyo ang isang tao lalo na kung pag-ibig ang usapan (Diyos ko po, ang corny!) Nagkataon nga lang may mga taong kinulang sa itsura at kalooban- at si Doggie ay naging biktima ng pinaghalo-halong kemikal ng kalupaan at kalangitan. Matalino siya pero bossy. Lahat ng bagay ay inuutos. Laging sumusunod kay Andi. Laging nagtetext. Pakialamero. Makulit. Nakakasawa. Nakakasuka. Nakakasakal. Walang kilig factor. Sa tuwing lalabas kami ng classroom ay nagiging horror scene ang feeling ng lahat. Tahimik ang lahat. Titingin sa isa't isa. Sabay takbo at magtatago. Leche ka! Andito ka na naman?!?!

*Ang mga ibang impormasyon ay kinakailangang icensored para sa ikabubuti ng ekonomiya ng Pilipinas.

Then one day...
May 5, 2010
10:45 am

We were dismissed early so my friends and I decided to have lunch together. Oh yeah! Taking summer classes can make you feel bored and cheated. Instead of having fun we just end up being drooled with terms and validity. So this is the right time to take our revenge =))

We went to the food stores to grab some food. I got omelet and kiwi tea. Yummy! Bon Appétit! We went to our favorite park near the Pasig River. We ate until we burst. We laugh until we cry. We talk until we get tired. We even texted Doggie that Andi will not meet him cause we will visit Paco Park (That's what you called showbiz!) When we had our time check, its already 12:10 pm! Andi needs to catch the train from Pureza to Bicutan so we all got hysterical. We all want to run but our tum tum might get hurt. So Andi was the only one to run as fast as she could. As we approached the flagpole, Andi walked fast towards us. Everyone was puzzled and we were like gesturing and moving our heads. Then she pushed us towards the side of the car to hide and she suddenly whispered, "Si Kuya... asa flagpole..." I was like, " My God, let me get the heck out of here." Nikki and I went out to check the effin guy. Nikki and I were asking each other where did that doggie go. As I turn my head to my right, POOF! He's there with his friends (abnormal looking guys) and I dont really know if he saw us or not but my God, I was like palpitating! I pulled Nikki then I shout, "Andoon siya, takbo!"

*Insert Run devil Run by SNSD here =))

Here comes trouble! We ran as fast as we could. We passed by the library and we even went through a forest-like-place-where-rape-incidents-can-happen. We ran until we reach the catwalk and we saw the train waving goodbye to us. This is crazy! We sat down in the bench with our backs approaching the catwalk. When we thought that doggie might find us, we went to the back part of the open court. We achieve peace and fun. Tiring but fun day! One of the unforgettable moments of my college life :)

Though it can be flattering to have a guy who can't get over you, it can also be annoying. Boys are really whatever! =))

Happy...
Happy...
Happy...

Oooooppsss... May Nagtext!

- Ingat ka sa Paco (from Doggie) *Blank air. DEAD! :\

The Death Map

Gnaito Kalayo ang tinakbo namin :\

Crossed Out the Yellow Idea!

2010-05-02T06:51:00.000-07:00

One more week to go before election! Politicians keep on nagging the streets and the televisions. But for once, I'm so sick of you Noynoy Aquino. Please dont act like you've already won. I hate it when you utter the word "People Power" as if you deserve the position. My God, c'mon! It doesn't mean that if you didn't win, it will automatically mean that you have been cheated.

People Power!?! Is that how you think of democracy in our country? Right now, I am thinking that you don't really deserve the position for you are very assumptive of your triumph.

At ano ang kinagagalit niyo kay Pacquiao? Ee totoo naman. Imagine, as a senator, you only had 9 bills passed and none even passed into the law. Tapos sabi pa ng kapatid mo na hindi kasi nanalo si Pacquiao sa eleksyon di tulad mo na laging panalo sa tinatakbuhan mong posisyon. Ganon? Ee diba mas nakakahiya na paulit-ulit na nanalo pero walang nagagawa?

Nakakainis lang minsan. I mean, people are currently emotionally driven because of your mother's death but hello, ano to teleserye? Kung sino ang mukang inapi dapat siya ang bida? I think what I'm doing right now is not negative campaigning or anything. Its just people should be aware of the real thing.

People should picture out who can effectively lead this nation and its people. Huwag sana masyadong pikon ang die hard fans ni Senator Noynoy. Everyone should be entitled for their own opinion, hindi yung nanghaharass sila pag sinalungat sila.

A lot can still happen in 8 days. Wag kayong masyadong assuming. Wag kakalimutang may kalaban ka. Dont forget the silent majority. If ako ang tatanungin niyo, I will keep my vote cool and clean. Go, Gibo Teodoro!

POP..POP..POP... Where's the trademark, POP?

2010-04-30T04:30:00.000-07:00

Im currently having my 5-day break from school when I turned on to channel whatever and I saw some Korean-like groups. Blank air-- they are Filipinos! I'm super disappointed. Cant we make our own trademark?

The obvious thing ever is that we are under the spell of K-Pop invasion. I, myself, is a living example of this fad. I may not understand the lyrics but the melody is very appealing to me. I even memorize the lyrics or even translate them to English terms. Not only their music but also the beautiful faces of these idol groups are very popular in our country.

But to tell you honestly, I wont buy P-POP (Philippine Pop). Hindi dahil sa hindi ko naaappreciate ang mga OPM hits kaya lang parang hindi naman talaga siya tatak Pinoy. It seems like some of the record companies are taking their safe ride to stardom by forming groups who are good in singing and dancing. At hindi lang yun, pati ang pangalan ay parang itinulad sa mga K-Pop groups (like XLR8, very much like as 2ne1). At magkaparehas pa ang beat ng kanta ng XLR8 at Sorry, Sorry ng Super Junior.Why go for second rate? Why go for half people na hindi naman mukang Filipino? Same music, same fashion, same theme- Unoriginal. Where's the P in P-Pop?

If I were to choose, I'd rather go for Willie Revillame, Jolina Magdangal and even April Boy Regino's songs. They are quite cheesy but that's Filipino Music. That's who we are. We are warm-hearted people and we know how to express our feelings through music (literally or figuratively).

Well, I'm hoping that XLR8 and Pop Girls is just a passing fad. They should survive with their own identity. I don't have any doubt on their talent. To sing and dance at the same time is a God given grace.

WONDER GIRLS
2NE1
SUPER JUNIOR

XLR8
POP GIRLS

Gonna Live Like We're Dying...

2010-04-28T04:40:00.000-07:00

SQE is finally over. Unlike any other exams that I took, this one is the biggest. I need to be flawless and fearless. Thinking about it for almost two months is really depressing. I even had nightmares that keeps on bagging me until now. I don't wanna complain and tell everyone that I'm suffering much. Karma is a bitch and I should know that.

Oh well, win or lose, I don't have any regrets. This maybe the cause of my summer sadness but hey, I did everything that I can. I sacrificed my vices, I went for review tutorials and I even convinced my friends to help me study.

My parents told me that if I'm not lucky enough to pass the examination, everything would be okay cause I have other choices. I can go to other school or even shift a course. I am lucky enough that they are so supportive and they understand what I'm going through.

I know everything will fall on their own respective places. Papa God is intelligent enough to plan my life. I'll just let Him do His thing and draw on the empty canvass of my life. Considering myself as His masterpiece, I can say that he's really a good artist. Reaching this age without any disease and good flowing life- this is already a blessing.

Few years from now, I know that I will be someone. It doesn't matter if I will be an accountant or not. Finishing my studies and doing things that I like to do in my life will be a great future for me. It makes my spirits soar when I think of this. Such a lovely idea.

I want to say thank you to my parents, friends, classmates and of course to Papa God. To my parents' undying support that I can make things possible through my own strength and prayers and their deep understanding that if I cant make it until the very end, it doesn't mean that I'm a loser. Thank you to my high school buddies who never get tired of my excuses for our reunions and wishing me luck on the examination day. Thank you Nicole for your patience and time while giving me a tutorial lesson. Thank you Andi and Kate for sharing the same dilemma with me. Thank you Det for your support and thank you for being with us until the end of the examination. Thank you BSA I-11D for your good luck messages (we can do this! fighting!). And of course, thank you so much Papa God for giving me enough knowledge, guidance and courage to continue this journey no matter what will happen :)

Welcome to the Jejemon Fad!

2010-04-20T06:08:00.000-07:00

yo LOlZ! pwEDEng MkiPGkIlala,~ n0H?...

caN~ We~ bE FRIEnS, n0H?~ ...

Jejemon...

When I first heard this word from my classmate, I was like- is that a new anime? (pokemon and digimon entered my mind) But to my surprise, jejemon is a member of the species Homo sapiens; a human being who HU HApPeNz 2 Type lYk tHIs. People are starting to get hysterical and some even make fun or curse these people. Its kinda disappointing.

I encountered a lot people who were classified as "jejemons" in some social networking sites and to tell you honestly, I once hated them. I don't like how they type their messages cause its really irritating in the eyes and I cant understand some of their messages. But it doesn't really reflect any of their good or bad personalities. Others should not take this personally. It doesn't mean that being different from others make them feel less as a person. I just cant believe it that even some of our fellow kababayans spend half of their lives being mean to these people. Why don't we just help them or just shut up and don't give a damn to them?

Others are pretending to be cool by being a "jejemon busters." Sheez, I think this is more pathetic. Why should you brag and give so much thought about this? Just move on and forget this fxxxing idiocracy. "Gotta kill all those jejemons" is more unrealistic that "eOw pOh, KaMuSzTaH NaH pOz?" They still have the right to live in this world. Dont think highly of yourselves. Discrimination will never make you cool and elite.

Rolling

2010-04-07T05:02:00.001-07:00

My summer vacation is already over. Goodbye sleepless nights. Goodbye unforgettable slack off moments. Goodbye Good Vibes. Hello graveyard! My kiligness is currently subsiding and I'm starting to get emotional, anxious and mad because of school. Staying on this track is really depressing. Easy? Your ass. I really need to study hard.

As of now, I found studying as a scary duty. I'm regretting and I feel sorry for myself cause I didn't make a good decision. How I wish I could go back in time and choose the right course- A course that can appreciate my effort and creativity. I don't like being told what to do.I don't like doing the same thing over and over until the sunshine fades. I don't like talking to a calculator or robot like creatures who keep on mentioning numbers, debit,credit, enterprises, etc. But what else can I do? I am now stuck. Sooner or later, I will quit or maybe if I'm lucky enough, I will finish it. Either way, I'm still gonna die.

I'm having a hard time absorbing everything that I need to know for SQE. I felt so bad after realizing that I might not fulfill my promise to my parents. But I promise to do my best. Nikki will help me in Accounting. I will do everything to pass. I will take the test as if my life depended on it. Right now, I don't have any idea. I'm clueless. I don't know where to start. But I really need to strive hard if I wanna keep this pride. I don't wanna be delay and be trampled.

I don't have any idea on how to motivate myself to study. I have 2 thick books in accounting and an algebra book that I need to study with all my heart. At the back of my mind I know that I'm really hopeless and I'm about to give up. Everyday of my life, reasons that I should really give up spell out in my face. I'm thinking of having a new life. Will life get any better? Oh well, I'm still gonna give it a try. Pass or fail- I don't wanna think anymore. All I know is that everything is planned according to God's will . I shouldn't question it. Maybe that's his challenge for me as a human, as his masterpiece.

This month, I am going to give up my social life, some of my friends and even things I usually love to do just to study for this test. I wont slack off. Seryoso ako, walang tatawa! :(

SO HELP ME GOD!

I'M SO KILIG :"> :))

2010-03-28T21:42:00.000-07:00

This is not a sensible blog post anymore, I guess. Pardon me but I'm so kilig. Its been a long time since I felt this thing to my ultimate crush, Sam :)) But I guess, this wont take long cause this craziness might be gone after watching Master of Study.

He is too cute for life. Bakit ba walang ganito sa Pilipinas? :)) Oh well, I'm currently watching this drama in KBS and I'm planning to get a DVD copy. Im just watching online the earlier part that I have missed. This is really a very nice gift before going back to school one week from now. Oh how I love this summer break! :)